Fragments of a Dream

Now Focus...

2012-01-23T07:38:00.000-05:00

Like a wirewalker.

The Visit

2012-01-15T20:59:00.002-05:00

Every trip back from mom is filled with tears and this one was no exception. Family things can be so complicated there's no need to dive into the details. Mom just have a unique gift of making me feel like I wish I was never born.
For the first time my step brother came down from Chicago with his new girlfriend for mom's birthday. We thought about going out for dinner but my hardworking parents labored all day for a lovely dinner at home. I felt a little bad for all the preparation that went into it but I think they were happy. Late in the evening I made a few comments on how I'm tired of being single out in the middle of nowhere. Mom said, oh, I know why you're still single. I thought: here we go again with a thousand and one things I need to improve on but rather than the usually stubbornness, intolerant, argumentative, lack of femininity and gracefulness she said "you're too conservative." Wow, I've heard a lot of adjectives about me over the years, good and bad, but conservative just never came up.

Take Time

2012-01-10T20:29:00.003-05:00

Life rarely unfold the way we had planned. Sometimes with the departure of a person so goes a dream long in the making. In this therapy-happy, over-analyzed world knowing the root cause or even the logical solution for a problem doesn't make overcoming the emotions that much easier.

This blog has been up for quite sometime now. Every now and then someone commends me for my willingness to share things publicly. However, for the first time I feel exposed. I can get through anything. For now I'm exhausted for having stayed strong for so long. The only sensible advise I've ever heard on dealing with difficult emotions is that it takes time. So breath deep and take time. When all else fails hug the cats.

The Warmest Day in Jan

2012-01-07T20:06:00.005-05:00

Winter is barely discernible with the last two days well into the 50s. Global warmer is working and with the sun comes better mood and productivity. I got an early start this morning with the most painless oil change I've gotten in a long time. Back in MN it was dreadful to get any kind of car service done. Rather than buying/leasing a new car I will be driving mom's Honda for my 45-minute commute to work each day for the next year or two. It's not too bad since I carpool with Dina a few days per week. When I first got the car I couldn't decide which one was more bothersome: the fact that I'm driving an Accord or that I'm driving my mom's car. Now that I'm use to getting back to an automatic I have more appreciation for a simpler ride. What the car is lacking in character it is made up with practicality and efficiency. And besides, for a free car I really have nothing to complain about.

The town has a beautiful library, newly constructed in the last few years. In fact, today was the 4th anniversary of the new opening. Up until this afternoon I've always had to admire it from the outside as I drove to and from places. At last I am now officially integrated into this community with my very own Champaign Public Library card. The interior is even more impressive than the street view, expansive space with abundant seating area and floor to ceiling glass windows perfect for taking advantage of sunny days like today. I sat on one of the comfy sofas under the sunlight until I could no longer bare the heat. It was like being in B&N but better.

I know my OCD is getting worse when I feel the need to organize clothes when I go to TJ Maxx and arrange books at the library! Oh how lovely, the Dewey Decimal System. It reminds me of all the years I volunteered at the school library. The school had a comprehensive collection of classical music on LPs along with an old record player. Each morning I would come to school early to put on a Segovia recording or Horowitz playing Rachmaninoff and sort books returned from the previous day. It was a great way to start the day. I would do that again in a heart beat only now with a continuous flow of hot coffee.

The late afternoon was spent in the mall to grab some deals at the after Xmas sales. Just as the last ray of warmth falls below the flat land I inhaled the best bowl of Pho at one of my favorite eateries in town. This time it was the special rice noodles with pork and seafood in savory broth. I can't stand pho with two slices of meat flooding on a giant pile of carbs. Here there's no shortage of tasty roasted pork, fresh jumbo shrimp, baby squid and fish balls. My sinus have never felt so good between the steamy hot broth and excessive amount of hot sauce. A satisfying meal to wrap up the day.

Despite the occasional cynicism and sadness, not a day goes by when I'm not reminded of just how fortunate I really am. Some people say the future is full of uncertainty. There hasn't been many things that I wanted to do but could not accomplished. I'm not saying that out of arrogance but I do believe that the future will be what you make of it. I don't need much. One day I would like to have my own little bungalow in somewhere warm near the sea with abundant amount of great food, music, culture and natural scenery. For now I just read about it on the magazine.

Blog 651

2012-01-03T21:35:00.009-05:00

The holidays came and went, everything is still the same and we're just that much poorer. Half way around the world and 650 blogs later I'm stuck in the Midwest, a place that's only palatable if you're a corn or a soybean. Surely it's a step up from rural MN with a handful of decent eateries and small tango community but nothing is ever good enough.

There was a time when I felt the newness in a new year now it's just the start to another countdown to nothing. I realize this blog is a bit morbid. It's likely that I just have a bad case of SAD. Despite a bit of stress and anxiety, internally I'm an eternal optimist. It will get better. It will always get better, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

As for new years resolutions, let's just stick with some attainable goals: live healthy, pass my exams and learn to dance salsa.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T22:47:00.002-05:00

Specturm

2011-12-06T23:53:00.002-05:00

Overtime the word "happy" seems to have made its way to becoming the definitive word for life's accomplishment. When asked, what do you want in life, the answer is always circles back to "just to be happy." It is the default thing to say when there is nothing else more meaningful in its place and who can make an opposing argument for the desire to be happy?

I distinctively recall a time in the last semester of my high school years when I consciously decided that to live is to truly embrace ones emotions, whatever they may be. We human beings are blessed with a full spectrum of sentiments. The degree to which we explore and experience them is directly related to the fullness of our lives. Certain experiences rush you to the high while others drag you down to your breaking point. While we are young and resilient we are suppose to push our limits to define new extremes. It is through turbulence and repetitive calibration do we truly find ourselves. The more thoroughly we define our range of emotions the better we are prepared at handling whatever life throws at us later on.

Do I really believe in the pursuit of happiness? No. I want to feel every bit of raw emotion I can squeeze out of life, however pleasant or revolting it may be. To me life always felt more real in sadness and despair. There's beauty in many sentiments much more appealing than happiness. Yearning and nostalgia are two that immediately comes to mind.

George Carlin used to say if your needs are not being met, drop some of your needs. Happiness is overrated, unrealistic and unnecessary. Start enjoying your other messy chemical reactions. After all, feelings are like tastes, no one I know has expressed an overwhelming desire to only taste sweetness while attempting to eliminate all other flavors.

Reboot

2011-12-05T23:47:00.001-05:00

People always say behind every good man there is a great woman. Sometimes the opposite is just as true. I have to admit that life was easier believing someone out there loved me. It didn't matter if the safety net really existed in reality. I don't choose to be strong on the outside, nor is it an artificial way to hide my weaknesses. This is who I am. Confidence is built, humbleness is learned. Beneath the tough exterior is a whole messy of vulnerability, idealism, generosity and sentimentality. It has been a teary couple of weeks. Nothing comes easy, especially with closure. Everything has a process and now, after four turbulent years, is time to move on. Still, I'll always be there. That's just me.

Thanksgiving with the Family

2011-11-24T19:42:00.000-05:00

After all these years of mom trying to motivate relatives from China to come here we finally have a few relatives around for Thanskgiving. My cousin Lida and her husband Ping lives in West Lafayette and her parents are here from China to visit the new baby, Joana. She's so cute! My uncle is the best cook ever. It's nice to have family.

Carmons

2011-11-18T22:48:00.103-05:00

There are a few things I'm passionate about and food is one of them. What's worse than a pretentious restaurant is a pretentious restaurant that serves bad food to pretentious people with no taste buds. Unfortunately two third of them easily fall into that category.I don't ever recall a time when I left a restaurant thinking to myself the food was terrible but I really enjoyed the scenery. I'm a value shopper with principle and I like real food. I have no problem paying except there is no price low enough for bad food. Tonight we tried a restaurant in town called Carmon. Everyone says it's French but I can only say that even "French-inspired" would be a stretch. Just because they added a few French words on the menu and a few mirrors on the wall it doesn't make the food any more French than we are close to the Hall of Mirrors.

Everything was awful.

I had a bad vibe from the very beginning. The waiter was arrogant and ignorant. I was intrigued by the "sweet potato creme burlee" so I asked him how it's made, whether it's from a flavor extract or they some how used real sweet potatoes. First he started to explain what creme burlee is when I started to shake my head he proceeded to explain what a sweet potato is. WTF! He thought I didn't know what a sweet potato or creme brulee is? The waiter assured me that thee dessert contains no artificial flavors and that everything is made from real ingredients in house. Ok, how? I'm no expert but I've made enough creme brulee to know that it doesn't incorporate sweet potatoes! More on this later.

Getting no info on the dessert I decided to find out what else the waiter didn't know. After he introduced the daily special, seafood stew, I asked what kind of stock is the stew made from. The waiter hesitantly said "duck." WTF? Duck stock for fish stew? Ok, that's a bit of a stretch but who knows anything is possible with these "inventive" restaurants. Later one he came back to correct himself and informed me that the fish stew is indeed made from fish stock. I let him off the hook by not asking what exactly all went into the stock.

For appetizer I got veal sausage: a link smaller than the size of my thumb cut into two halves on top of potato puree and yellow leek shoots still trenched in wine. There was no spices in the sausage, only grind meat, which was ok since you can tell it's made of very good qualify veal. The leek and potato were nothing to write home about. Overall a very bland dish with no real substance.

The menu selection was limited. Since I rarely see trout offered anywhere so I was pretty excited to give it a try but it turned out to be the worst choice. I list a few names and he said oh, it's rainbow trout. I doubt there is a good place to get fresh trout around here and bad fish is just intolerable. The waiter looked confused when I asked him what kind of trout is served at the restaurant. After a named a couple varieties he said oh, it's rainbow trout. The fish came out in its entirety on an empty plate with no sides no nothing, just a overly salted fish. The fish was not deboned properly which made it difficult to eat. It was also not salmon colored like I had expected with steelhead. The whole thing was just awful, perhaps the worst fish I've ever had at a restaurant. Other people had the fish stew, which also turned out to be extremely over salted.

When it finally came time for dessert I said I'd order the sweet potato creme brulee only if the chief can come out and explain to me how it's made. I know it sounds a bit demanding but you really should know what the heck you're eating and paying for at a restaurant. The creme brulee came out in a typical ramekin with a film thin layer of caramelized powder sugar. The chief, although seemed a bit reserved, did explain to me that the dessert is made from real sweet potatoes by boiling it in milk and blending the puree into egg yolks. The whole thing is made without creme, which makes one wonder if it's even possible to called it a creme brulee especially without the sugar on top. This is basically a sweet potato custard. I know, who cares right? I do. I'm nuts and I don't ever plan to set foot in that place again.

For this kind of price I can have fresh fish in Lisbon that's carted out from the kitchen, properly deboned in front of me and then trenched in warm butter! Just simply good food. I remember the last time I had rainbow trout with Rose in Bariloche like it was yesterday. The fish was also a bit salty but the white creme leek sauce was amazing. We laughed our butt off joking that the cooks intentionally made our food salty just to see if we would break down to buy a drink at the restaurant. We never did. We don't like to pay for water when we travel.

New Addition

2011-11-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

Artifact

2011-11-09T22:24:00.002-05:00

If you are asked to illustrate one artifact that would represent who you are what would it be? It's ironic that this task can be so difficult to complete in such an ultra-materialistic world we live in. This just goes to show how meaning full 99.9% of the stuff we owe. I thought about it for a couple of days and finally the morning of the presentation day I snatched a red hot chili pepper from the pepper plant my mom gave me when I moved here.

The obvious justification is I can't live without spicy food. More than that, it is part of my heritage of being born and grew up in Hunan, China. The smell of green peppers reminds of me all the times I went to the farmers market with my grandparents when I was just a toddler. We Hunan people have hot pepper in our blood and temperament. I come from a long line of strong and resilient people and I'm proud of that. I see my grandma in my mom. As I grow older I see my mom in myself. Tremendous amount of love and sacrifice have brought me here. No matter how far away I am from my relatives I hold them close to my heart.

When You've Made It

2011-11-08T23:03:00.116-05:00

Somebody recently posed the question, "how would you know if you've made it?" That's a great question and I'm surprised to have never given it much thought. We all seem to be constantly busy doing things and going places but how exactly would we know if we've made it or have finally reached our destination?

The best I can come up with right now is that I think you've made it if you could walk away from anything that displeases you without reservation. We live a world of means to an end with artificial/meaningless destinations. Everything we do without pleasure takes away from things we could enjoy yet we can't afford to walk away from them emotionally or financially. I originally thought of this not as part of some sort of Buddhist or Zen meditation state of relinquish all that is temporal but it sure is one proven way of letting go to achieve contentment. Financial security is nice except it always seems that people who have a lot want to have even more: the gambler's mentality without an exit strategy. People on average invest way to much time and energy trying to get along with others who by nature clashes with them. It's merely a no-fault mismatch with no viable solution yet people continue to struggle to get along due to a myriad of reasons like dependency, insecurity, fear of alone, depression, dislike of oneself, etc. People are not disposable but negative people should be. At some point we all need to develop enough emotional security to walk away from negativity and enough financially security to not work for money.

In short, I think you've made it if you can do things out of desire rather than necessity.

Saturday Morning

2011-11-05T19:51:00.004-04:00

The cold weather is slowly making it's way to the Midwest yet we are once again experiencing a sunny fall weekend. The neighborhood is still colored with a trace of autumn.

Saturday mornings are for croissants at Bao's. This is where friends gather in the cozy sun-filled resident to sample world's best chocolate-filled croissants.

On a rare occasion Tony, aka my "gay husband" has the entire day off from work. I was absolutely delighted to meet up with him for a second breakfast at Le Peep, the best egg place in town. Every girl should have a best gay friend, someone who is thoughtful and genuine.

As I drove home in the warm sun I felt happy, content and hopeful, a state of mind I haven't experienced in a long time. Life has treated me kindly and I'm grateful for it.

Halloween Milonga

2011-10-30T21:11:00.001-04:00

Rose is right, for someone such as a little devil like I am I'm incredibly lucky to have an angel watching over me. Everything is falling into its places. I've settled in, made friends and progressed in my professional life. I'm thankful for it all.

Purdue Milonga

2011-10-22T23:55:00.000-04:00

Carpooled with my new tango friends to Purdue this evening for the pre-Halloween milonga. Wonderful people, wonderful dancers.

Movies

2011-10-17T00:34:00.006-04:00

Saw two movies this weekend. One of baseball and statistics and the other of the legendary Formula One driver. Movies, despite being mostly passive experiences, can nevertheless shift how we think and feel about certain things. We think we can distinguish fiction from reality but our brains are terribly inefficient at it. We flinch when we see something jumps out on the screen, we say ouch when someone gets hurt and we experience a full range of emotions and feel moved by them as if in first person. It's not our ability to relate but rather our inability to disassociate.

I was terrible at statistics while studying economics but the subject completely intrigues me. Money Ball, Liar's Poker, Bringing Down the House were all books we talked about in Stat class so when the movies came out I knew I had to see them. My current work really doesn't have anything to do with economics but the process of obtaining that degree has permanently changed the way I perceive things. Everyone knows that investment decisions can't be made based on emotions. That's easier said then done because not many people with stock shares can look at the market movements and feel completely emotionally detached. That's why I only look at my portfolio a couple of times a year. Econ has taught me to look at things more objectively, cut out the noise, evaluate opportunity costs and when the stake is high so can the reward. Fortune favors the bold in econ term means high risk high reward. Of course, risk tolerance is a very personal thing. Don't expect big rewards if you play it safe, don't expect to loose small when you play big, and definitely don't expect different outcomes when you do the same thing over and over again.

The documentary I saw this afternoon was completely opposite of cold stats except that we human beings can only cheat death so many times before our luck run out. The movie was extremely intense despite lack of suspension. The director masterfully waved interview clips, race footage and family videos to portray an extraordinary individual and the complexity of Formula One world. Everyone who walks in knows exactly what's going to happen at the end yet we sat there and watched a fatal crash in slow motion and all the meanwhile developing a deep spiritual and emotional connection to the main character almost involuntarily.

I'm always drawn to strong characters who pursue their passions with such drive, conviction and madness. Perhaps it's to compensate for my own lack of persistence. Passion is infectious. Consistent hard work is like running the last two miles of a marathon over and over again. A person can achieve mediocre success with talent and a little luck. There's no shortcut for persistent success.

The biggest flaw of mankind according to the ancient Greeks is hubris. To me hubris stands for arrogance, entitlement and the false belief that one is above life. We can have strong spirits and be physically fit but we're also undeniably frail. I'm not a religious person and I don't live everyday as if its my last. I have however developed more gratitude over the years for each day I'm safe and healthy and for every piece of the puzzle that put me where I am today. Life is more enjoyable when lived in gratitude.

I realize this is turning into a terrible blog. I'm not trying to write movie reviews here, just some thoughts and I feel like I'm rambling on. It's late, another week awaits. Time to catch some zzzs.

Another Beautiful Saturday Morning

2011-10-15T11:55:00.002-04:00

Saturday mornings are for Market at the Square and Common Ground Food Co-Op. Beautiful little bundles of broccolini from Tiny Green Farm. How can you pass them up? Happiness is Indonesian butternut squash spinach soup with a hit of coconut curry, garlic and ginger from Common Ground and the individually packed quiche slides are the perfect little meals. Best of all everything is freshly made from locally sourced organic ingredients.

Body Attack

2011-10-11T23:22:00.001-04:00

Went back to the gym after work today to take pain to a whole new level. I don't recall ever having so many different areas sore at the same time. I walked for a mile to loosen up a bit and then it was a whole hour of intense cardio, jumps, kicks, lunges, squats, push-ups, sit-ups and finally cool down and stretch. I'm in so much pain now I can barely move. I thought about going to another Body Pump session tomorrow but I'm not sure if that's really going to be a good idea. Maybe I need to mix it up with a slightly less intensive workout and more stretching. We'll see how I feel in the morning.

On a whole separate note, I came home today to kitties toys scattered all over the place. Teddy and Ernie have lots of little toys but most of them just stay in one of the kitty beds all the time. Did they have a party while I was gone today? Very strange. Still, they're cute little fur babies. I love them.

Body Pump and Health Kick

2011-10-10T22:41:00.004-04:00

I don't typically partake in group fitness classes but I decided to take advantage of the complementary gym at work today and try out the Bodypump class. Wow, what a workout! It totally kicked my ass. One hour of weights, cardio, strength and endurance training! I was running so low on energy towards the end I thought I was going to faint. Note to self, next time I need to have a protein bar before the class to get through it properly. Now I understand why this format has been rated the most efficient weight-loss workout around.

All the stress from last month combined with an abrupt stop in weight training have made me drop 5 pounds in just a couple of weeks. Back in April when I first started to workout more seriously I dropped weight and putted it all back on in a month from weight training and high protein diet. It was great to feel my body responding to the workout. Unfortunately with the weight loss this time I'm probably loosing nothing but muscle mass. My weight has never fluctuate this much. I don't have a problem with my current weight or how I look but I'd prefer to be more toned and strong.

When I was younger I could eat anything and maintain the same weight. Now I'm relieved to find out that being healthy can be a choice. Everyone has their own interpretation of what it means to eat healthy and there are no shortage of different dieting plans out there. My focus is not to diet or to loose weight but rather to eat food that I can feel good about both physically and ethically.

There's nothing wrong with eating meat. Our ancestors have done it for thousands of years but it sure doesn't sound natural to be eating meat grown like commodities in tiny cramped stalls while being fed with corn based feed that's not natural to the animals' diet. The drawback is of course the big premium price tag for meat produced from hormone-free grass-fed free range farms. For the first time I feel like this is a luxury I can now afford. From now on I will make a point to buy organic yogurt, milk produced from farmers' owned dairy farms, fair-trade coffee and meats and vegetables from local farms whenever possible. People can do whatever they want and they will. I'm only doing this for my own sanity and hopefully a little bit of healthy.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-09T23:24:00.000-04:00

Weekend with Cass

2011-10-09T22:12:00.000-04:00

Back on the Grid

2011-10-08T11:13:00.001-04:00

It's been a beautiful week with temperature in hovering the low 80s and today is no exception. Got my internet installed this morning. Yay! No more stealing wifi from cafes in my car! Now I'm waiting for my parents to come visit from Indy...

Aroma

2011-10-04T21:36:00.001-04:00

Still no internet at home yet. Comcast is going to come to install on Saturday morning. For now I have to get my wifi fix at cafes. Tonight it's Aroma in downtown Champaign. A great place to plug in: free wifi, nice atmosphere, good music with lots of small tables and outlets. I also felt like coming here to order a cafe con leche just to be able to say those words. It was definitely my drink of choice while in BA. I still miss it sometimes late at night especially after a milonga. There something extraordinarily enjoyable for having a warm caffeinated drink after a meal or late at night. No hurry for bed; no hurry for tomorrow. Enjoy the moment.

Locked In

2011-10-03T20:43:00.007-04:00

Only Ernie came up to say hi to me when I came home today. Seconds later I heard Teddy meowing from the spare bedroom and my heart dropped. AH! I locked him in all day! The rental lady made a big deal about my cats when I signed the lease now only a few days after I moved in I have to get the carpet repaired. I dreaded opening the door but there were no other options. Teddy tried to dig his way out of the room only to leave a 2X12inch hole on the carpet by the doorway. I was furious and the cats knew it. I held Teddy by where the carpet was scratched open and yelled at him. I knew it wasn't his fault but I couldn't help it that their mommy have anger issues. I should be thankful that Ernie wasn't trying to rescue Teddy by digging from outside of the door too like they did before when I lived in Pittsford. I love my two fur babies but I'm always worried about them. One more reason I shouldn't have kids. They'd probably be taken away from me by child services.

Renters with pets are the last group of people that can be openly discriminated against. I know the kitties can have accidents from time to time when they're sick or when I lock them in somewhere but kids can easily outdo any pets. Having been a renter for all of my life I'm obsessed about keeping my living space in good condition. Last thing I want is to have money deducted from my security deposit. I'm cheap like that. I suppose that's one of the inconveniences with rentals. Nevertheless I not one to own anything significant. Having leased two cars already I can't even commit on purchasing a vehicle.

Poor Teddy was traumatized by all the yelling and hid under the bed for most of the evening. Later I apologized to him repeatedly and tried to appease him with treats but he was still very skeptical. I see more treats for him for the next few days.

Settling In

2011-10-02T18:28:00.000-04:00

The kitties and I are settling in. I made my first meal home today. We love our new condo.

Justified

2011-10-01T23:02:00.059-04:00

This is the kind of thing that's only funny when it happens to other people. I've been known to keep things from my parents more for their benefit. They probably would have heart attacks knowing even half of the things I've done. Some of the things I keep from them for my own sanity even though them seem perfectly harmless. When I moved for my last job in Minnesota I didn't tell my folks until a month after I moved there. I was much more forthcoming with my relocation here since it's so close to them and I've already seen them when I had the interview here. Still, with so many things going on and me on the verge of reaching my tipping point with the China trip I intentionally told my parents the move was a week later than the actual date. I know how absurd this sounds but today that decision was unfortunately justified.

Having been here a week already and got everything set up I phoned my parents and informed them I'm just now driving to Champaign. Last night I assured mom that I drove in safely and have checked into the hotel. Although I've never done this before I asked if she had any plans for the weekend, to which she answered no.

Before all this move took place and before I even interviewed for the job I've made it clear to my parents that no matter how close I live I won't have time to visit them all the time and they shouldn't insist on visiting me if I have other things going on. In order to get me to agree to move here mom reluctantly agreed.

I called her this morning but she didn't answer.

10:30am I get a call from mom and this was the conversation:
"Where are you? We're here."
"Where? In Champaign?"
"Yes, We're here. Where are you? We can come meet you."
"That's ok. I've already got plans for the day. Besides, we've already agreed that I'll invite you guys over once I get settled in."
"We just want to see you. We can help you find an apartment. There won't be anything for us to help once you get settled."
"I don't need your help. I've got a lot of things to do today. I'm not going to argue with you on the phone. We've agreed on all this before. If you want to visit you make sure you call me ahead of time."

Mom was furious. She handed the phone to my stepfather. He tried to talk me down to have lunch with them and allow them to be part of my apartment tour but there's no talking through my hard head.

I don't need your help or your opinion. What a wonderful daughter I've become!

From their perspective I've just gotten into town late last night and now I need to look for apartments and start a new job on Monday. Who in their right mind would think this as an appropriate time for a visit???

People this is precisely why I delayed on telling them about the move. I can't imagine having them do this to me had I actually arrived in town last night. I probably would have had a mental breakdown. There is no changing people. You can only anticipate and do what you can to mitigate the issue. The problem here is my mom acting like a crazy stalker.

They called a few times in the afternoon but I held my ground and never met up with them. I know it's terrible but I've got to draw the line now to make my life tolerable for the next couple of years. The last thing I need here is to have my parents randomly show up on my driveway when I'm not expecting them. Anyone with kids knows that you can't reward bad behaviors. The same goes for parents. I'm sure they'll get over it and I'll get settled and actually invite them over.

Healthy Start

2011-10-01T17:25:00.004-04:00

I’ve done a lot in the last month except to eat healthy or to workout. I’m only getting older. With 30 not far away I want to be as healthy as I can both mentally and physically. A lot has been said about industrial farming and meat production. There is a significant national movement for not only organic products but sustainable, locally sourced and ethically produced foods. Since the chance for me becoming a vegetarian is as slim as a saber tooth tiger the next best thing is probably to purchase exorbitantly priced meats from local free range farms where animals are grass fed and not subjected to growth hormones. A coworker recommended a meat club where members can sign up to place orders via email to get monthly delivery of qualify meats at 20% discount from retail. It didn’t take much convincing for me to pull out the checkbook and placed my first order. People are economically motivated. Hopefully there will be some price sensitivity to eventually make me eat lesser meat.

Farmers market in Urbana runs every Saturday morning until end of this month. I got up at a reasonable hour to pick up my meat order and some local produce. The brisk morning didn’t discourage the market goers. Here is food you can feel good about physically and ethically. I walked by every stand and purchased a variety of peppers and onions. Since the kitchen is still not organized enough to make a decent meal I pickup some some quiches at the co-op next to the market. Great little meals with all organic ingredients. Afterwards I stopped by the Chinese grocery store on 5th Ave for some much needed tofu. Ironically I can't live without meat or tofu.

I wanted to checkout the gym near my condo in the afternoon but no one was at the reception desk. After waiting around for 5 minutes I decided to just jump on an elliptical machine and get a work out. Didn't do anything too strenuous: 30 minutes cardio, light weights for shoulders, tri/biceps and squats. The read some great reviews for the gym online but it's really not all that impressive especially having had membership at Midtown before. I'll have to checkout the free fitness center at work next week to decide what will work best for me.

First Week

2011-09-30T18:23:00.000-04:00

Things are coming together. The first week of work went by like a breeze. There is nothing too difficult either in the work load or the personalities that I can foresee. It’s a refreshing change from my previous employment where at times I felt emotionally taxed to the breaking point. Unpacking is going fairly well. The master bedroom is now put together. Boxes are organized in the garage. Books are making their way onto the shelves and the kitchen is half way there. I’m going to take my time to enjoy the weekend.

Paperwork

2011-09-26T22:27:00.001-04:00

Today is a day for paperwork. New hire orientation and rental agreements. I signed enough things as if I was getting married and buying a house. Thankfully that's all over now and I have the keys to my new home for tomorrow's move in. Things are moving incredibly fast. I got freaked out a little signing away rental checks this evening. The rental is going to cost me an arm and a leg but hopefully it will all be worthwhile. For now I'm mentally exhausted. I feel like I've dealt with stress well enough. I look forward to getting settled into my new home and go out to enjoy a pedicure.

Deposit Done, Move Pending

2011-09-25T22:12:00.008-04:00

I slept in this morning until 11. I needed the rest. Once up I made a straight dash to the nearest Starbucks. Fall is my favorite season and happiness is only one cup of pumpkin spiced latte away. There are tons of rentals available in Champaign so I need to sample a good variety to zone in on what I'm really interested in and get a good feel for the fair market price. Unfortunately I only have one appointment setup for the afternoon, the rest I either need to find rental offices that open on Sundays or to look from the outside. In a college town, the right neighborhood is going to play a major factor in my decision making process.

To get a good idea on what's out there I stopped in one of the biggest property management office in town. The management company owns lots of properties in different areas of the town from standard apartments of all sizes to condos and townhouses. Although the properties are not always ideal especially in large rental complexes a big company like this typically offers competitive rates that can be used as a baseline for comparisons. The property manager who greeted me was very friendly and professional. When I told him my "current" address he stopped writing and looked up slowly. Just as I was going to spell out T-H-I-E-F thinking he didn't catch the name of the town, he said, "oh, I used to live in Grand Forks." Interesting. Minutes later another manager showed me a townhouse, a 2-bedroom apartment adjacent to the office and another townhouse and condo in two different locations. The townhouses were the same price as the two I saw yesterday but the qualities were not as good. The apartments offered very reasonable rent especially with first month rent free and complementary wifi. The neighborhood is not bad but with so many tenants on top of each other it's hard to tell what to expect. Privacy and quietness are luxuries when it comes to rental properties.

My next appointment is not until 4pm so I called to see if I can view the 2-bedroom earlier than scheduled. The owner was very accommodating and met up with me in 10 minutes. The unit is half of a one level house but the condition was not desirable. I then decided to drive to a rental condo near the ones I saw last night. Once again, very packed neighborhood with lots of townhouses and not enough parking. The price is a bit lower but I know you get what you pay for. I couldn't see the inside but there was an open house just across the street. Why not pop in to see how much these properties go for? The real estate agent, Gil, seemed like a straight forward guy and was extremely helpful. With no other visitors around so we chatted for quite a bit about the real estate market and the differences between rent and buy. The one-level condo is comparable to the one I say last night with full size two-car garage but a bit smaller. I ask his opinion on a fair market price if the unit was on the rental market. Gil's answer was pretty much what I had expected. Now I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what the rental prices are like around town. I told him about the rental I saw last night and Gil confirmed that it was indeed a good deal. I know I can probably find cheaper rentals but I will have a very difficult time to find another one in such a nice neighborhood. The condo will be the only rental on that street. Most of the other handful of condos on the same side of the road are owner occupied by retirees while the properties across the street are well cared for single family homes. Everything is well kept and the condo association fee will cover all external maintenance and snow removal. I'll pretty much have my own condo without the hassle and risk of purchasing a place.

Afterwards I stopped by one more open house for an one-bedroom one level condo and that was enough for me to make a decision to go with the second condo I saw last night. I called Sally right away to put in the application. The rent is much higher than what I had planned for especially since now I have to pay all the utilities on my own. Having moved many times in my life and seen countless rental properties and real estates I know this is the best one I've seen. Now I have my fingers crossed that everything will go through smoothly so I can move into my new home next week!

Central IL

2011-09-24T19:27:00.002-04:00

I started driving about 10pm last night and arrived in Champaign IL around 4 this afternoon. It took me a lot longer to get through 800 miles since I had to stop to take a few naps along the way. The fall foliage along hwy 94/90 was breathtaking. The kitties behaved well and didn't not make one meow during the entire ride. Ernie did manage to get stuck under the driver seat while I took a nap. I had to unload some stuff to get him out. He stayed in the pet carrier for the reminder of the trip.

Timing is everything. I checked into the hotel, got the cats settled in, took a quick shower and was on my way to see some rental properties in town by 6. My first stop was a three-bedroom townhouse at the higher end of my rental budget but it had everything I was looking for: enough square footage, attached one car garage, on-site laundry, large closets, two baths, nice kitchen appliances, dinning area, etc. The only concern was the neighborhood. It's nested in a large townhouse/condo area backing directly into a busy highway. The yard can be improved on and the short driveway really doesn't provide much room for additional parking. Just as I was driving out of the neighborhood I saw a few signs for other rental and sales properties. Even though it was getting late on Saturday evening I thought what the heck, might as make a few calls to see what's available.

A lady picked up my first and only call for the evening. I explained to her my situations: homeless with two cats, starting work on Monday, everything on a truck ready to be unloaded, etc. She listened very closely to what I was looking for in a property and was extremely helpful to point me to a condo nearby that has yet to be listed on the market. Although it wasn't the one I had initially driven past, it suited me much better because of the quiet neighborhood and immediate availability. I pulled up to the driveway while still on the phone and told her I'd be interested to see the inside. Instead of making an appointment for next week during regular business hours, the property management agent broke all the rules and met up with me on the drive way within 10 minutes. Someone once told me I have a guardian angel on my side and the older I get the more I believe in it.

The 2-bedroom one level condo with a full two-car attached garage and fenced backyard was absolutely perfect except the rent which was a bit over my budget. The property manager offered to negotiate with the owners for a slight discount. I told her I'd look at a few more rentals tomorrow and let her know either way.

It's getting late and I'm tired. Back to the hotel to watch some TV with the kitties. I feel like I've done a lot this week and there is still a lot more to do. I just keep telling myself, one thing at a time and everything will work out. So far, it has and I'm thankful.

Leaving TRF

2011-09-24T02:10:00.001-04:00

What started by chance to begin my first cross-country drive to Vegas late at night has now become a habit or even a ritual. It’s easier to leave when everything blends into the darkness of the night, outlines of buildings, familiar roads, restaurants, stores. There won’t be much to miss here. Nevertheless there is a melancholic sentiment of having lived in an exclusive community of 8410 people and a sense of accomplishment for having endured such a tough winter alone. I’ve came to known the consultants during the last few months of my stay here. They will be missed.

Long drive like this is a great opportunity to catch up on what I rarely get to hear on my ipod and think. I don’t know what the future will hold. There is a time for everything. I’ve lived; I’ve traveled and I’ve grown. There were good times and bad. I have faith in all that has yet to come and more importantly I have faith in myself. Rather than going along with the motions and living life capriciously I now want to find self-reassured for every step I take. Like tango, one should take the uttermost effort to feel the surface of the floor with each sliding step. Life is a beautiful progression.

First Day of Fall

2011-09-23T16:59:00.002-04:00

Evenings are now cool enough for frost. I turned on the heat even before the first official day of fall. With winter is not far behind it's good that I'm leaving now before everything freezes over up here. The movers came at 9am and we were done by 3pm. Having moved a few times in my life I had most of the things packed up already and left out some tools to help out. The goal is to get to my destination by early tomorrow afternoon and start looking for rental properties. Still have lots of things to do and a long way to go.

9:10PM: took a little nap and now I'm just about ready to start the drive. See you in...stay tuned!

Farewell TRF

2011-09-22T17:02:00.003-04:00

Despite the fact that I never quite felt being accepted into the local community when it was time to leave there are still a few people to say goodbye to.

One of the IT consultants celebrated his birthday in town last night. It was nice to meet everyone at the Evergreen for dinner and then karaoke at the Elk.

The lady who invited me to her house for Easter asked to meet up for a drink today after work at the Black Cat, a sport bar full of Arctic Cat memorabilia. She had always been great to me at work by supporting of my projects and initiatives.

I then stopped by Joana's house to have some delicious homemade Filipino food. Her family have almost adopted me as another daughter. Wonderful warm people.

The third meal of the evening was with Amy at Fraisers. I didn't have any room left to eat but it was nice to have some time to talk to her, Scott and Eric.

In the end, I did manage to become friends with quite a few people here. I will miss them.

LC Has Left the Building

2011-09-21T23:39:00.004-04:00

Spent my last half day at work today. Although I had planned to stay here for a minimum of two years, when a better opportunity opened up it would be foolish of me to not move on. The past year has been a great learning experience both personally and professionally. I can now say that I've had the experience of living in an exclusive community of 8410 people. I've done a lot of things for money and now I know one thing I will not do again is to live in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. From now on there will have to be some standards or at least a Starbucks.

Shanghai Sightseeing

2011-09-18T19:45:00.001-04:00

Day Tour through Suzhou

2011-09-17T00:57:00.003-04:00

Humble Administrator's Garden

Suzhou, China

Lion Grove Garden

Comfort

2011-09-16T23:50:00.013-04:00

Comfort comes at a price and at this point I'm willing to pay a lot just to have a modern shower with good water pressure. I arrived in Shanghai HongChiao airport in the early afternoon after a short flight from Changsha. The city is covered in heavy smog and the later summer heat is showing no sign of recession. I kept my fingers crossed and arrived smoothly at my 5-star hotel by the subway. This is probably the most I've paid for a hotel out of my own budget and it's worth every dime. Here I've got AC, broadband, CNN and lovely shower pressure and I enjoyed the amenities in that order.

Family Dinner

2011-09-15T23:10:00.000-04:00

The whole family met together one more time for dinner before I leave for Shanghai in the morning. These kinds of opportunities are so rare and they go by so quickly.

This trip has been an eye opener in many ways. The older I get the more I see how different I’ve become from the people I grew up around. Our perception of beauty, health, love, marriage, quality of life and purpose is so diabolically different that even a casual conversation can be arduous. It is highly probable that I am a difficult person to begin with and that makes it all the more important to find and confide in like-minded people, which are hard to find.

There are still so many things I want to do, see and experience. Every now and then I cry, not knowing how to do it all. Life is finite. I find it impossible to be patient with something that can end so suddenly.

Mission Accomplished

2011-09-14T23:13:00.004-04:00

On some shopping trips we buy more than just the products themselves but the experiences associated with the purchase. Today it's shopping for Chinese silk embroidery with my 2nd aunt.

I rarely collect any significant souvenirs from my travels so it took me a while to think of one thing I want to buy from Changsha: 湘绣/Xiang-Xiu (a special type of silk embroidery from this region). Two days ago my uncle showed me a hidden neighborhood with a cluster of these specialized shops where I’m likely to get best prices. This afternoon I came back here with my 2^nd aunt but our day started much earlier with a total fiasco at the bank.

The Bank of China refused to convert some of my US dollars because they were not brand new and that some of them has ink marks on the surface! I tried to explain just about all larger US bills in circulations are marked to show their authenticity but the customer relation person couldn’t be swayed. On top of this, all the ATMs were either down or out of money. When one of the machines was finally repaired I still couldn’t get out anything. Finally my aunt offered to take out a thousand RMB for me. Luckily the bank people were very courteous and brought us some water. But by the time we finally left we were both tired and decided to go meet my aunt’s daughter for lunch near her workplace. The restaurant was nothing special but food was very tasty, probably one of the best meals I’ve had since I came back.

These two days has been extremely hot. Over 100 degrees with humidity makes it feel completely unbearable. I was sweating even before breakfast. Aunt and I started at one of the high end shopping malls in downtown sand found great deals on three dresses, two of which are in traditional Chinese qi-pao style. Different clothes are designed for different occasions. Here people wear whatever they want wherever they want, rather chaotic. Jeans are ok at workplaces but in the market you can see people dressed in top notch dresses with high heels for no reason. My uncle’s daughter is by far the most fashionable person in the family with dark strawberry blond highlights, perfect makeup and always what seemed like trendy but out-of-place cloth. Thankfully she’s got a tall lovely figure to make everything look nice. I’m always the least stylish person in the bunch every time I visit obviously not because I don’t have enough nice things but when on the road, comfort overrides everything else.

By 3pm we were finally on our way to the xiang-xiu district. There are a few around town but the one we are going to is only known to the most knowledgeable locals. The little shops are hidden away in a narrow street and really don't look like much from the outside. Once inside, each shop is like a tiny compact gallery featuring lots of embroidery pieces from large framed works to small intricate wooden display cases showing the double-sided embroidery. Majority of the works for sale are not displayed. We asked to see a variety of samples by asking for the design theme. Typical Chinese embroidery themes are flowers (rose, cherry and water lily), nature, birds, horses, bulls and traditional Chinese paintings such as 清明上河图 (paintings same as the one displayed in the China pavilion during the 2010 Expo). themes We literally examined a hundred different embroidery pieces. Each handmade pieces differ in design, color and quality. At first I wanted an ancient painting theme but then aunt leaned more towards the colorful roses for a high impact piece. The last shop we stopped in had the biggest selection and I was immediately drawn to a larger water lily piece. I love a bargain but am not at all good at bargaining. Luckily I was in good hands with my aunt who used to be a lawyer. Although not an authentic local she fakes a pretty good accent and acted as a tough price negotiator. At the end we got the large water lily piece for half of the asking price and a great bargain for a smaller cherry blossom piece. The shopkeeper told us the pieces we picked are older works and that such refined embroideries are becoming more rare. I was extremely happy with the purchase (so much so that I wanted to buy a few more!). I have no doubt that such amazing handmade pieces with increase in value over time but of course, I purchased really just for my own enjoyment. I look forward to framing the pieces one of these days to properly display them in my living room.

Chicken Breasts

2011-09-12T23:56:00.003-04:00

I love food but compare to the others I’m not even in the same ballpark. Grandpa literally eats all day long except when he’s napping. Grandma sent us to the supermarket to buy a chicken today. After 60 years of marriage she is still not done giving instructions for every little thing (just like my mom and I’m no better). Grandma said, “Stand to the side and watch which chicken is the strongest and most alive. Don’t get one that’s taking a nap!” One can easily get live chickens at the farmers market but I’m not sure if that’s still the case in supermarkets. Most ones I’ve seen have already been cleaned (but definitely not frozen). Chinese prefer their food fresh.

American chickens are like 36DD while Chinese chickens are 32AA, bony and no boobs. I remember having the hardest time finding any boneless chicken dish for my US coworkers on my last trip to Beijing. Boneless chicken is almost like an oxymoron here. I’ve stopped buying chicken breasts in the States all together after watching the documentary Food Inc. (chickens are modified to grow breasts so big and fast that they literally fall over and die). Although the chickens here are likely not pure organic by US standard, Chinese have strong preference for field grown chickens or tu-ji. These chickens are smaller in size with tender meat and lower fat content. There is no distinction between dark and white meat here but how animals are grown. People have developed such discriminatory taste overtime they can tell by flavor along which ones are field grown and factory grown and even whether it’s male or female (when it comes to chicken).

Now here’s an idea to correct the high-calorie junk food problem in the US: replacing everything in the chips isle with Chinese snack, air-sealed individually-packed chicken feet. It will be zero calories because no one would eat it. As much has American fast food chains are taking over the world, the snack section in the supermarket is still uniquely Chinese. I don’t know if Doritos are not here because of policy reasons or consumer preference (or lack thereof). In four isles and lots of display islands of “junk food” the only western thing I found was a small bin of sneaker bars next to tiny vacuum packed beef jerky, quail eggs and squid in all different flavors. A childhood and local favorite snack is ginger: pickled, salted, dried or in whatever other form that makes them salty and spicy.

In this modern world of McDonalds, Pizza Huts and Diary Queens (which is ironic since people always say Asians are lactose intolerant) majority of the people here still prefer the good old Chinese food.

Happy Moon Festival!

Family Visits

2011-09-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

Everyone came to grandparents' place for lunch. It's been a long time since we all had a meal together at home. Nowadays it's much easier just to eat out with such a big gathering. Still, nothing is better than homemade meals with the family. Later in the afternoon I visited my cousin's new condo. Nice pad with 3 balconies and since it's just a bit outside of Changsha the air quality is significantly better.

Headache

2011-09-10T23:54:00.003-04:00

I woke up with a gigantic headache this morning. I’ve been having bad allergy since I got here. At first it was sore throat and then sneezing and running nose and now headache and nausea. My uncle picked me up with his new Ford Focus and wanted to drive me around the city for a tour. I was in no shape to deal with the stop and go traffic and it didn’t take long for me to ask to be dropped off home before I throw up in the car. There is no shortage of doctors at home and grandpa’s medicine cabinet is probably well stocked enough to run a small pharmacy. I was proscribed a number of Chinese medications, some of which should be outlawed due to its vile taste. However, I had not hesitation to take down just about anything at this point. I’ve always been a big advocate for Chinese medicine. You don’t need to believe it for it to work but it sure helps to get the prescription from people who know what they’re doing. Rather than finding common cures in western medicine, the Chinese form is much more individualized and tailored to each patient’s normal physical condition and illness symptoms. Nowadays many traditional medicines have been made into pill form but it still takes a trained physician to prescribe the proper combination and quantity. Luckily with the right stuff and some rest I recovered quite a bit in the afternoon.

What’s worse than being sick is being sick away from home. Although this might be “home” as well, I am far from being comfortable. For me (and probably most western people) modern conveniences take up an overwhelming portion of one’s over all comfort. And by modern conveniences I mean a western bathroom with proper water pressure. This is the reason why I’m not a camp person. This is why I always get so stressed out coming here. My mom keeps telling me, “…at least it’s the end of summer. You could be sweating in 100 degree summer days or freeze to death in the winter with no heat!” She’s right. I was back here in December of 09 and I had to go to a hair salon to get a haircut just to get my hair washed. It was way too cold inside to even consider taking a shower… I wasn’t home for long. I absolutely dread going to the bathroom here or taking a shower. I know it’s terrible but I countdown the days until I can go stay at a 5-star western hotel in Shanghai and then go back to TRF!

What’s worse than being sick and away from home is being blamed for it all as well! Everyone keeps coming up with diagnostics for my illness that has nothing to do with the root cause. There is only one reason why I am sick and it’s because of the air quality or lack thereof! The environment here is even worse than what I remembered from two years ago and exponentially worse than then I grew up. I’m convinced that there is no blue sky in China. I saw something close to it in Beijing in the winter but the best day there is still the worst day in LA. Some of my relatives would turn their noses up and say, “You people from America have no immune system, unlike us, so strong.” A few others would say nonchalantly, “it’s no big deal; everyone has to get sick when they come back to China.” Bullshit! My immune system is just fine! It is your damn environment that is killing all of us! Of course I didn’t say that but I sure thought about it.

The sad thing is that people don’t know what they don’t know. There is nothing for them to compare with. The big cities are tolerable but smaller cities like Changsha are so dirty I am afraid to touch anything when I go out and I’m not even germaphobic. I had no hesitation to eat street food in Brazil but here I am becoming more and more cautious. With all the respiratory difficulties the last thing I need now is a bad stomach.

Not surprisingly my desire to come back to visit is at an all-time low. I informed my aunts and uncles that from now on they have to go over to the US to visit me. Frankly I’m happy to meet up with them anywhere in Europe and the western hemisphere.

Underneath it all, everyone here is aware of the poor air quality (water quality, wild life quality or any other quality there is). A variety of diseases brought on by environmental factors are on the raise. Years ago lung cancer was an extremely rare thing. Nowadays, it’s so rampant the government can’t build cancer center fast enough to receive new patients. Even the number of miscarriages has gone up drastically in recent years. Grandpa summited it up well, “China has developed it economy and this is its price.” A nice big dose of selfless sacrifice spirit.

Cousin

2011-09-09T23:53:00.001-04:00

Friday. My younger cousin called this morning to invite me to visit at his new condo. I had met his new wife for the first time at dinner last night. Very slim in built, my new sister-in-law a very smart and well educated young lady (actually a couple of months older than me). They are expecting their first (and only) baby in March. I heard the new policy in China is that a couple can have two kids if both parents are from one-child families. Not sure if many people are taking advantage of the one-child policy reform since it takes so much resources and energy here just to raise one. The stay-at-home-mom thing is more of a western phenomenal. In China it is looked down on to not be part of the workforce regardless of the gender, marital status or whether or not there are any kids in the family.

Most people are well aware of the old traditional Chinese bias for boys in order to carry down the family name, land, wealth and etc. Just about all kids adopted from China are girls. Because of this bias there is now a noticeable imbalance between the number of male and females in the country. Many adult males, especially in smaller villages, are unable to find suitable mates because of the gender imbalance. The government has been combating such gender bias since the first day there was a government back in 1949. The government has been known to denounce any kind of organized religion but what’s not talked about much outside of China is also its long and hard battle against unfair and unjust traditional mores such as gender bias. Along with the one-child policy introduced in the late 70s are also rampant propagandas on girls are just as good as boys. To reinforce the message and prevent people from aborting girl babies during pregnancy, the government outlawed ultrasound scans to find out the baby’s sex prior to birth. Of course, like any law there are people who find ways to go around it but it is seen as a very shameful and backward thing to do, not accepted by the mainstream population.

I went grocery shopping with my cousin and had lunch with them at home. Their 13^th floor condo has three bedrooms and 1 ½ bath, pretty roomy by Chinese standard. 13^th floor is ok, only #4 is omitted in many buildings here as it is seen as the number of death. Condos are sold by the square meter ranging from a few thousand to tens of thousands per square meter.

My sister-in-law has been under a lot of stress on getting doctor’s notes for work and applying for the right paperwork to have the baby. Unlike everywhere else in the world, to have a baby in China you actually have to apply and receive a permit. The process can be long, confusing and frustrating to say the least. To start, a family has to provide copies of the marriage certificate, health certificates, government issued identification and proof for legal residency status for both parents. Then there are a number of forms and government agency involved. If you work for a government owned business/organization, you are allowed to get notarized paper works from your workplace; if not, you will need to find the person responsible for family planning in your neighborhood to have the proper recommendation. Back when I was born, partially in order to enforce the one-child policy, there was a family planning specialist in every company/organization and neighborhood who oversaw the permit application process. There can be many unexpected hiccups in the process especially when both parents are from different places from where they currently reside or work. Kids born without the proper paper works will have extremely difficult time to qualify for government healthcare and education. Needless to say except for special circumstances each family is only allowed one birth permit. In order to cultivate more tall people in China there is likely no birth limit for tall basketball stars like Yao.

Birthday

2011-09-08T23:53:00.001-04:00

Best birthday ever, at least the most celebrated one. I was glad to see that my grandparents were in excellent spirit despite being 88 and 86 years old (with my grandma two years older than grandpa). They appeared to be in even better shape than the last time I saw them in December of 2009 (maybe the winter had something to do with it). I took a few photos of them in the middle of the condo development. These kind of high rise condo developments often have a few building together as a cluster with some small community conveniences ranging from a small grocery store to shared gym. These clusters are called “xiao qu” which literally means small community/neighborhood. Xiao qu-s, ranging from a few buildings to a couple dozens, are the building blocks of the modern day Chinese concrete jungle. It sure is not my preferred way to live but when land is scarce people are forced to develop upwards.

Very rarely do I get to celebrate my birthday in China with all my relatives. To mark the special occasion my grandparents offered to invite everyone to dinner at an upscale restaurant nearby. Grandparents are well to do by Chinese standard with consistent pension payments from the government but this is the first time I’ve ever seen them making such big gesture for a birthday. To make it a truly Chinese experience, it is not only a great honor to receive such treatment but it is also a bit awkward. I don’t want to make my other cousins feel like they are left out and I also don’t want to people to make this a habit for future birthdays. I insisted to pay for dinner myself but of course, no luck. Fortunately for me I got to order all the dishes tonight: 12 dishes for 13 people. What’s impressive here is not the extremely hot food but to be able to eat it all with boiling hot tea! Great for the sinus, not so much for your mouth! I learnt very quickly from my first trip back that there is no ice water in China no matter how good of a restaurant you go to. Chinese people drink hot water, period. Even most soft drinks are served at room temperature, yuck. Bring your own ice cubes because you won’t find any here. The food was pleasant but to have a meal with so many relatives together far outweighs everything else.

Train Ride to Changsha

2011-09-07T23:52:00.001-04:00

Changsha is the capital of Hunan province in central southern China. The most familiar thing about Hunan for westerners is perhaps the spicy food. In China, Hunan is known as the fish-rice region. I was actually born in a smaller city south of Changsha called Hengyang. My mom’s brother’s had always lived in Changsha and in the last ten years all the rest of my relatives moved here also. With no other family members in Hengyang I now make Changsha as my home stop on trips back to China.

The Shanghai train station is next to the old airport and looks just as big from the outside. Once inside there are countless rows of seats and entries to different tracks down stairs. In the old times people didn’t move far from the village they were born in. Nowadays with new industrial zones near major harbors and cities more and more people are forced to move away from home to find work. Overcrowded transportation is a big problem for everyone to go home on holidays. I still remember taking the overnight train from Beijing to Hengyang every year for Chinese New Year when I was little. We were always lucky to get the sleeping tickets. Most other Chinese people can recall going home on 18-hour standing only train ride. China has been aggressively developing its high speed rail system hoping to mitigate the bottleneck of long distant travel via airplanes. The recent accident has led to an expansive investigation and in the meantime reducing speed for all new trains and delayed start for new tracks. None of the setbacks have decreased the amount of demand for traveling by train.

From Shanghai to Changsha is just over 700 miles. The ticket costs 260RMB (roughly $40USD). The reduced speed train with a dozen stops on the way takes 9 hours from 9am to 6pm. The ride started up pretty nice with speed up to 200km/hr but after the first 20 minutes or so things went south. The train picked up extra passengers which quickly filled up all the seats and reduced speed to 150km/hr. The new passengers soon make themselves comfortable on the train by playing Chinese poker. Noise is a big problem in China. For the rest of the ride I had no chance to rest or do anything other than hating myself for not taking a plane! Thanks mom for suggesting that I take the train! AHHH!

When we finally arrived in Changsha on time at 6:21pm I was more than ready to jump off. My mom has 3 younger sisters and a younger brother. The 2^nd aunt met up with me at the station while the 4^th aunt was making dinner at grandparents place. The 3^rd aunt is now visiting my cousin in Lafayette, IN. My cousin Lida just had a new baby girl this morning name Joana.

6pm is when everyone gets out of work in China and absolutely the worst time to find a taxi. We waited for a while in the taxi line but didn’t see any car pulling up other than private drivers or “black taxies” soliciting for business. Most people are smart enough to ignore them, including a large built American guy ahead of us. The driver poked fun at him and said “oh, fat guy don’t want to ride?” Heh. I felt kind bad for him and wanted to help but figured since he’s made it thus far he should know what the heck he’s doing (I sure don’t).

Lunch w/ Grandma

2011-09-06T23:48:00.001-04:00

I got up just before 7am with really no discernible jet lag. The highlight for today is to have lunch with my step grandma. So between 7am and 11 I have nothing to do but to sit and twiddle my thumbs. Top signs of a boring vacation:

5 Reading the Ikea catalog

4 Browsing online for the next vacation

3 Playing solitaire

2 Trying to book an earlier ticket out of here

1 Wishing I was home in TRF

If Shanghai is Manhattan, going to Grandma’s condo is like going to the outer boroughs. Aunt and I spent an hour on the subway and then walked for another 20 minutes from the station. The area is relatively nice by Chinese standard and the condo has two rooms with just the bare minimums. Grandma recently fell and broke her arm but she’s slowly recovering. Although in a good spirit grandma appeared weaker and much slimmer than before. Even though I’ve visited my mom side of the family a couple of times in the recent years, it has been 15 years since I last saw anyone from my step father’s side. Grandma was very happy to see me. The first thing she said to me was “You’ve gotten fat! You’re much fatter than before!” These words were not meant as complements. What a nice dose of Chinese honesty! Few minutes later she looked at me more thoroughly and said in a concerned voice, “make sure you don’t get any fatter.” Once my uncle arrived we went to a nearby restaurant for lunch. In China it is customary for whoever paying for the meal to order the food. Most of the times when dinning with relatives I never get to choose the restaurant and would be extremely lucky to even see the menu. This meal was no different. Uncle ordered and I gladly ate everything. As people say in English, beggars can’t be choosers. When the bill came uncle peeled off a few Chinese hundred dollar bills from a stack of easily ten thousand. Not sure why anyone need to carry so much cash these days.

In the afternoon uncle dropped us off in downtown so we can walk to the historic district. It is still quite warm in Shanghai these days and all the people and traffic is really wearing on my patience. The place is more or less the same as I remembered before. We did not linger and by 4pm we were on a taxi back to aunt’s place to rest a bit. When in a vehicle here it is best not to pay attention to where the driver is going. Dinner was once again ordered by the same rich uncle with some of the same dishes we had for lunch. Personally I’m not a big fan of Shanghai food or Shanghai in general. Lack of flavor. Uncle insisted that we visit his newly decorated condo after dinner so we complied.

Chinese dialogues vary much more drastically than the north-south divide in the States. Even adjacent cities have different dialogues. Shanghainese is characterized by its high pitched syllables and exaggerated phrases. Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t experienced it but for me, not so lucky. I’ve been experiencing it for two days now and tonight I get to hear it in stereo effect. Except when dinning with Kyle, who moved back here after spending 7 years in the cold Canadian tundra known as Winnipeg, everyone else conversed with each other in Shanghainese throughout the meals as if I was completely invisible. For outsiders the Shanghainese dialogue can be extremely difficult to understand. Even having lived here for half yean back in 96 I can still only understand two third of what’s been said. People only stopped occasionally during a meal to switch back to standard Mandarin to ask a question. It’s rather strange to be a guest here. I guess in Shanghai one can never really feel like an insider without being born and raised here. I fell asleep on the couch at uncle’s condo over loud Shanghainese conversations in the background. I’m looking forward to take the train back home to Changsha tomorrow.

Shanghai

2011-09-05T21:59:00.002-04:00

Now that I am behind the great electronic wall of China, I can no longer access social networking sites or my blog! Luckily I can still upload photos on Flickr. Hopefully there will be lots of photos. I will continue to write but things won't be posted until I get home.

Got in last night around 11pm. Everything went smoothly except for the 4-hour delay. The flight was less packed than usual since a good number of people opted for an earlier flight out that stopped in Osaka. My cousin Kyle and his girlfriend picked me up at the airport. I visited Kyle in Winnipeg last fall after I moved up to TRF. He had lived there for few years by then and was getting fed up with the harsh winters and lack of social life. Finally by February he moved back to Shanghai despite opposition from the family. Kyle looks in much higher spirit now with his new Lexus and girlfriend. Who wouldn't trade Winni for Shanghai?

It has been 15 years since I was last here. In the darkness of night I couldn't make out much except the newly constructed highway connecting the new airport to the city. Traffic was sparse late at night and we got into the city in no time. After dropping off the girlfriend Kyle and I had a late night dinner near my aunt's condo. This is what I love about Asian cities. You can get a good meal no matter what time of the day it is. It was a rather nice restaurant and the food was of course better than anything I could get in the States. I wasn't all that hungry but we inhaled 3 dishes effortlessly.

Kyle updated me on his job: qualitative analysis on small-medium cap start-up businesses. He travels often to visit new businesses to create reports for his company and potential investors. Sounds interesting but I'm way too used to the American lifestyle to ever come back to live and work for a Chinese company. Things are very different here with a whole other layer of complexity between relationships and professional interactions. Everything in China is based on relationships or "guanxi." Without it you're dead in the water.

It was almost 1am by the time I finally arrived at my aunt's place. Being a very distant aunt, my stepfather's cousin, I've never even met her before. She has studied and traveled everywhere in the world in her younger years but now she lives by herself in a nice condo near the center of the city. I slept soundly until 7am, made my instant Starbucks coffee and now ready to take in one of the world's largest cities: Shanghai.

Aunt and I took the subway to People's Square, once a horse race course, now the center of numerous attractions. Shanghai Museum is a great place to hide out from the hot weather. I immediately recognized the round structure as one of the pit stops for the Amazing Race. Here you can find a good collection of ancient Chinese art and modern foreign visitors. After a quick lunch at a Japanese noodle house we took Nanjing Ave. westwards from People's Square to Jing'an District. Nanjing Avenue is known for its high end shopping centers and designer retail, where the newly self-made billionaires can get new Prada outfits to go with their Bentley and Aston Martins, but for the rest of us it's good for window shopping and people watching.

I picked up a train ticket for Wednesday morning to go see my relatives in Changsha. Despite the government's push to open high speed rails throughout the country there had been numerous setbacks and technical deficiencies that have led to lots of casualties. Changsha is about 700 miles southwest of Shanghai. Although I won't be taking a bullet train, the newly improved train will make the trip in less than 8 hours with stops along the way.

Kyle stopped by after work to take us to dinner at a Thai restaurant. One of the major misfortunes of visiting people in China is that I don't always get to eat what I want. Aunt had lobbied for McDonald or Pizza Hut for lunch. The Japanese place we eventually settled for was nothing to write home about. Now a Thai restaurant for dinner? Even though all I crave for are simple homemade meals, the typically Chinese food just doesn't have enough novelty and appeal for the locals. Here not only do I not get to decide where to go but what to order once we get there. On top of all I have to always appear to be gracious. What's the fun in that?

After dinner I promptly booked three nights of hotel stay for my return trip through Shanghai between Friday Sept. 16th and Monday the 19th. For me, traveling to China is never as fun as people think it is. I'm always obligated to spend my whole trip visiting relatives and staying in their boring homes. All this become more stressful considering everyone has different living standards so I never know what to expect and there is no escape. With a 4-star hotel I can at least expect a standard bathroom with good water pressure. I hate to sound ungracious but this is nothing like what I would consider as adventurous travel. I've barely started my trip and I'm already bored and irritated! Despite all the raves about Shanghai it remains to be personally my least favorite place in China. Before I return to the States I'm going to make a best effort to have a good time here.

For now I'm looking forward to go to Changsha to see my mom side of the family with whom I am much closer to. All the aunts are like close to me like moms and cousins are more like siblings. It also helps that food in Hunan will be much more suitable for my palate.

See you in China!

2011-09-03T09:33:00.000-04:00

Kath's mom went to the farmer's market for a fresh melon and made us upside-down rhubarb cake for breakfast. The family has been wonderful for me. Now all is ready. See you in China!

Just Breathe

2011-09-02T12:29:00.006-04:00

After a week of stress and anxiety I can finally breathe now! Hallelujah! My passport and visa have finally arrived this morning just in time for my trip. Oasis International Travel is nothing short of miracle workers! They were able to get me a new passport and visa in TWO days! I've used their service before but now I'm a customer for life. It wasn't cheap but I was more than glad to pay and that's the true test for good premium service.

I was so tense yesterday I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I made through half of the day at work and had to go home to lay down before I either throw up or pass out. I kept going through everything in my mind: things I need and things I need to do before and after the trip; what's in control and what's out of control... I cycled through the tiers of travel essentials from the most important items to the least:

Passport, Money, Keys, Phone (and contacts)
Camera(s), Memory Card, Batteries, Computer
Makeup, Instant Coffee, Ibuprofen, Sleeping Pills
Shoes, Clothe, Gifts, Vitamins, Travel Pillows

A coworker was kind enough to bring me to Twin cities last night and let me stay with her family until my flight on Saturday morning. Not sure if I could have made the trip myself. I've also lined up a ride for going back to TRF on Monday the 19th. It would have been especially tough if I have to drive back for 6 hours after 18 hours of flying! I did that drive after the Munich trip and it really pushed me to my limit.

Admittedly I've got some anger issues but in general I'm a very calm person especially in tough situations. All this is really putting me to the test. Things will probably make more sense in a few weeks. For now I just need to breathe and enjoy. I'm happy to be able to relax for a day before my trip. Cafe, computer, wifi, civilization, what more can one ask for? Having nothing to do on a work day is a luxury.

Visa Fiasco

2011-08-29T23:10:00.008-04:00

Got a call from the visa service agency this morning to inform me that my application has been denied! This is just what I need with a flight to Shanghai scheduled for Saturday morning and bunch of other things to take care of before then. I had no idea there was a difference between visa pages and pages for notes and comments. I only had one left on my passport and it wasn't good for the visa. So now I need to rush to get a new passport and a visa all before Friday! Lots of cash...at least $800 when it's all said and done. Of course, the number one thing right now is to get everything in time.

On the bright side, when I was a lot younger I always thought someday I'd be ready to settle down when I have at least one passport full of stamps. Life rarely turns out as planned.

One Year in Isolation

2011-08-27T10:30:00.008-04:00

Just a few days shy from my one year anniversary of moving here from Rochester. I could think of couple of other words for the title in place of "isolation" but I'm in a nice mood today so I'll just leave that to your imagination. After all the travel and excitement I've had in my early 20s this year has been rather anticlimactic. If this is what it is like to be a responsible adult I sure am glad that I spent the first half my 20s being irresponsible. Not to sing my own praises but I am one of the most adaptable, independent and strong willed person I know. One year is more than long enough for an assessment period. I've given it a fair chance and if I can't be integrated into the community or make any friends in a year there is no hope. Whatever the safety word is now is the time to call it out.

There are a few large moving pieces going on at the moment. The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful but now I'm starting to get things under control. Thursday I walked to the gym, did squats and walked back. 6 miles easy. Last night I walked around town randomly for 3 hours. It's a great way to enjoy the crisp early fall weather and get my mind off of things.

My big trip to China is coming up in a week. I will be flying out of MSP to Shanghai next Saturday Sept. 3rd and return on Monday Sept. 19th. Sort of a long trip by American standard but still not long enough to off set the long flight.

Two Wedding Receptions, Two movies and Loads of Anxiety

2011-08-21T21:15:00.005-04:00

With no computer/internet I went to one movie each night on Fright and Saturday: Crazy Stupid Love and 30 Minutes or Less. Both were enjoyable and I was pleasantly surprised by the movie theater in town. There are only two screens otherwise I probably would have watched more movies.

I attended two wedding receptions on Saturday. Just something to do and an excuse to wear my new dress. I'm addicted to online shopping.

Don't we look cute in pink and purple?!

Lora and John
The happy goofy couple

Today I finally broke down, drove to the Best Buy in Grand Forks and bought a new laptop: HP Pavilion g4. It's about time to get a new one. My old computer hasn't worked for a week and it was really stressing me out. These days the computer is easily the significant other. I got a pretty good deal on sale so if this thing breaks down in couple of years I won't be too hurt.

Tomorrow we start another week. Loads of Anxiety... my back is so twisted I could barely move my head.

Under Stress

2011-08-12T11:09:00.001-04:00

Minnesota Nice

2011-08-08T20:22:00.002-04:00

All little girls growing up listening to fairy tales sooner or later comes to terms with reality. As adults we'd like to believe our thoughts and actions are independent of external influences especially in the form of Hollywood movies. That's what I thought until I moved here. Obviously I bought into the warm and fuzzy image of small town America depicted in so many movies. I couldn't have been farther from the truth. In additional to the whole small town misconception there is also the urban legend of "Minnesota Nice," which I've only heard from the Minnesotans. Today a Minnesotan was finally able to give it a proper description, "Minnesota nice is when people wave at you as they leave the office parking lot on Thanksgiving to go to their big family dinners while knowing you'll be going home by yourself." That was precisely what happened on Christmas even last year. Never have I met so many people who cared so little about others. The whole time I've been here no one has ever invited me over for a meal and I know I'm not the only outsider who feels this way. I've made the effort to invite people over a couple of time for homemade meals but the favor was barely appreciated and certainly not reciprocated.

On a separate note, I stopped in Amazing Thai in Uptown for the lunch buffet. The selection wasn't as big but everything was delicious: green chicken curry, vegetarian tofu curry, Pad Thai, fresh spring rolls, etc. Overall a great weekend in the Cities.

Lunch with Claire

2011-08-07T18:09:00.006-04:00

Beautiful Sunday in the Cities. Met up with Claire for lunch at Birchwood Cafe in the Seward neighborhood of Minneapolis. The place was packed with line extending to the outside of the door. This independent eatery with uniquely creative menu focuses on utilizing locally sourced organic and fair trade ingredients. All the wonderful things Claire is passionate about and is quickly rubbing off on me. I had the "Sweet Corn, Kale & Cheddar Waffle 11 made with bacon lardoons, egg, melon salsa, tomato basil butter & marconas." The food was absolutely delicious even though I've never been much of a waffle person. Three hours flew by once we started to talk about topics evolved around things I desperately miss for being out of middle of nowhere: revitalization of the cities, urban development programs, non-profit organizations and corporate responsibility. This is my idea of a perfect Sunday: comfort food for the conscious and inspiring company/conversation for the soul. Claire will be moving to Madison next week to start her MBA program on Supply Chain Management. I'm thrilled for her and extremely envious at the same time. Best luck to you Claire and hope we'll meet again soon!

I stopped by Midtown Global Market after a neighborhood stroll with Claire. East Lake St. is a bit rough on the edges and some corners resembled little Mexico with signs in Spanish and colorful murals. The Global Market is situated in a large commercial building with dozens of independently owned ethnic eateries and shops. You can find everything under one roof here from Italian Ice to Halal meat to fresh sushi, hot bowl of Pho and creamy hummus. Although I didn't get any food since I just had lunch I enjoyed the visit nevertheless. Just another thing I miss from civilization.

The evening was spent dancing tango to live music at the Loring Pasta Bar, a special treat for me since I usually drive back to TRF on Sundays. The restaurant in Dinky town has a dramatic setting especially for a milonga with dinner tables pushed to the side to form a round dance floor, tall industrial ceiling with exposed steel beams, second level open balcony with additional dinner seating and dark oriental wall accents and decorations. Music from the band is fused with bustling sounds from the open kitchen and soft murmur from the diners. I danced away as the last ray of sunlight gave way to soft ambien lighting, flickering candles and the occasional flames from the kitchen. A beautiful night.

A Breath of City Life

2011-08-06T23:01:00.001-04:00

If there is such thing as predestination I'd prefer not to know it. Some people find comfort in knowing and meeting the expected societal norms, a natural progression. I like the unexpected, the possibility of something new around the corner, the potential to be anywhere in the world a year from today. After all, life is about discovery; experiencing the world and finding oneself. Living among an exclusive group of 8,410 people is an experience I wouldn't have had otherwise and hope never to repeat again. This is my eleventh time here in Minneapolis, a much needed breath of city life.

Spicy lamb at the Tea House. Finally, a good Sichuan restaurant outside of Chicago.

Weekend

2011-07-30T22:35:00.002-04:00

I thought things would get easier after the winter but I was wrong. Every weekend here is worse than the one before. This is becoming the third most depressing time in my life and it's quickly catching up to the first two (Shanghai Spring 1996 and Vegas Summer 2007). The show for the night is Restless Heart followed by fireworks at 11 on the Fair grounds. I barely made it until 10pm, any longer I would have been in tears for no reason. I felt like I was starring in a anti-depressant drug commercial. Just about everyone here I know is supporting our pharmaceutical industry by consuming mass amount of little white pills, something I'd like to avoid if I can help it. Depressed and irritable I went for a drive on the dark country road and caught the fireworks on my way back into town.

50 Year Cat Celebration

2011-07-30T00:45:00.004-04:00

Big 50 year celebration in town for a certain well known snowmobile company. Of course, back where I came from going to the Cat meant a completely different thing. In an effort to have some social life on a Friday night I tagged along with a friend from work only to be bored to death listening to the same big people making the same small talks. Although the town might be small but there is no shortage of kids. There is nothing sadder than seeing a gorgeous 6-year-old girl and knowing she's only going to grow up to 19, have kids with a total looser, work a low paying job and blow up to be 300lbs. This is the future of America. Happy cheese curds.

Bye Bye Bug

2011-07-24T11:37:00.003-04:00

Another weekend in the Cities to return my Bug. Kind sad but it was time to part ways. It was lovely having you buggie. I'll miss you! Hope they find you a good home soon.

Night at the Fair

2011-07-21T23:51:00.001-04:00

The fair is in town for the week. I feel like I just went back in time to that HBO series on Carnivàle.

Friday Night

2011-07-16T01:37:00.003-04:00

The hot day concluded with a beautiful evening. If I was in Rochester I would have dinner on the canal, go to Park Ave and take a walk along East Ave or go to the lake. Out here, once again, I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. I ended up buying a tub of ice cream. Ok, it's fat free frozen yogurt but it's still pretty depressing.

Camping?

2011-07-11T20:15:00.003-04:00

Someone asked today if I like camping. I said, I feel like I'm camping out here everyday except I have air condition and no bugs. There were weekend over the winter where I didn't see another living soul until Monday morning in the office. Anyone requiring more remoteness need to be seriously examined for being a part of a sadistic cult.

On a separate note, Louis Vuitton in NYC is hiring a Customs Compliance Manager! Wow, now that's a position I'd like to be aspire to someday.

Family in The Cities

2011-07-03T23:03:00.001-04:00

When people ask me how did my parents' visit go I tell them, "Great! They really enjoyed the cities." A long weekend was just long enough to catch up and short enough to avoid any bodily harm. My toothbrush is too big, my knife is too sharp, my car is too girlie and my bed is too soft. It doesn't take long to make one wonder if there's anything I can do right. Do I really want to impose this on another human being? The older I get the lesser I feel that I should procreate. Thankfully no biological clock ticking yet.

The Visit

2011-07-01T15:58:00.004-04:00

My parents are here visiting over the 4th of July weekend. Given that they just drove two days to get here I decided it was only appropriate for me to take a day off from work to show them around town. We spent a couple of minutes driving around last night. Everywhere we went kids would gather to look and shout "Chinese people!" My mother was too horrified to even gather a response. Now it's clear, when people look at me in other places they might be checking me out, here, they look at us like zoo animals.
Anyways, the river walk in the morning was somewhat enjoyable. We made a few good photos. Having nowhere to take them out for meals we made our own lunch and dinner with whatever I had in the fridge. We also walked around Walmart in the afternoon. My parents were relieved to see that I have a place to go to get the essentials. Still, that doesn't say a whole lot. We watched "New in Town" in the evening. Yes, this is just like the movie minus the nice people and the executive salary.

Walmarting

2011-06-30T00:43:00.004-04:00

The hot pot get-together was a big success except one guest refused to partake due to sanitary concerns. No need to sweat it as everyone else seems to have enjoyed the new experience.

For the first time I understood why kids in small towns hangout at Walmart. Tonight I was one of them. Summer are the best with all the comfy lawn furniture on display. I sat idle for half an hour starring aimlessly into shelves full of garden hoses. This is perhaps the closest I've been to hanging out at a cafe in this town. Next time I should just bring my own drink and kindle to complete the experience. As much negativity as there is out there for the mega corporation, I'm thankful we have a Walmart here.

Root Music

2011-06-27T08:46:00.006-04:00

When it comes to people there are ones who float you up and ones who bring you down. More important than gravitating towards positive people with commonalities is to find one who truly inspires you.

Sunday is best spent with a friend in a cozy cafe. A circle of bluegrass musicians started playing around 11. Claire and I grabbed a table next to the window and conversation ranged from birth control as an integral part of female equality to rural-urban divide and recycling and sustainability. We made friends with the adorable little Adeline, who enthusiastically showed us her color books. Before we knew it the morning flew by. Some moments just can't be captured on Kodak.

We parted ways in the nearly afternoon. I made my usual stop at United Noodles to stock up on groceries and acquire ingredients for the hot pot gathering I've been planning for the upcoming week. With a stuffed belly and cooler full goodies I left the city happy and content. Best weekend in MSP yet. Good company makes all the difference. Thank you Claire for restoring my sanity, however little there is left.

Catching Up

2011-06-25T23:39:00.007-04:00

The distance between Thief River Falls and Minneapolis is just about the same as Rochester to NYC. Of the 13 years I lived in Rochester I've driven to NYC total of two times. This weekend marks the eighth time I've driven to Minneapolis in the last nine months! If this doesn't show just how desperate I am here I don't know what would. Other than getting a taste of civilization this weekend I also get to catch up Claire, a good high school friend who I haven't seen since 2002.

We made a quick stop at an auto body shop in the morning to touch up on a few scratches on my bumper. A coworker was kind enough to reach out to the shop she used to work at to get me some pro bono work done. It's always good to know people, however few I know here. Claire showed me some of her favorite neighborhoods and fair trade stores like Ten Thousand Villages on 867 Grand Ave at Victoria Crossing West. We exchanged travel stories over coffee and pastries. No schedule, no big plans. Just pleasant conversations. Claire is very much into hiking and camping. I couldn't stop telling her how beautiful Patagonia is, especially El Chalten around Fitz Roy.

We made our way to Quang's for lunch (2719 Nicollet Ave.). It's a popular spot for a quick bowl of noodles in hot broth or typical Vietnamese dishes. My rule of thumb is always to order the dish with most number of peppers next to it. This time it's #511: Bun Bo Hue- Hot and spicy beef and pork hock noodles soup. It's even more delicious at $6.95. There are numerous good eateries and Asian grocery stores on Nicollete. We stopped in the Chinese store across the street from the restaurant for some fresh lychee fruits, a rare treat for this part of the world.

The afternoon was spent around St. Anthony Main, the city's historical waterfront on the Mississippi. We decided to catch the 4:40pm showing of the latest Woody Allen film, "Midnight in Paris" and had no problem filing up another hour and half worth of conversation at, Aster Cafe, a neat place next to the theater. The movie was absolutely delightful. As the protagonist is transported back to Paris in the 20s we come face to face with Picasso, Dali and literary figures such as the Fitzgeralds, Hemingway and Gertrude Stein. It's a movie that makes one want to go pick up a few books from the library.

Later on we strolled down the only stone arch bridge on the Mississippi River and enjoyed the view from the endless bridge on top of Guthrie Theater. On the way back the Mill City Museum lit up perfectly in sunset. I kicked myself for not bringing my camera on the trip. I've seen more magnificent sights but for now I am perfectly content.

Another Day in Paradise

2011-06-15T18:54:00.006-04:00

Focusing on health and fitness has worked well for me for the last two months. I averaged 5 gym visits a week and have for the most part stayed off of carbs. I feel more progress than what's visible. It was also nice that I went to the tanning salon last month and added some color. All together, very positive and motivating.

Despite my positivism, the reality is that the only thing worse than being a human out here is being a four-legged animal, at least no one is stuffing me into a sack and finishing me off with a shot gun. That's how unwanted kittens are handled. Last time I checked animal cruelty was a crime. Apparently not in this part of the country. No one thinks twice about shooting a dog behind the head and tossing it into the river. And these are the pro-lifers. This is a dead zone in every way possible. People have nothing to do but to eat and breed, which in turn result in obesity and unplanned pregnancies. Unfortunately, people never seem to fuck enough to counterbalance the over eating so eventually people eat their ways out of fuck. If people here didn't reproduce this much there would be a higher proportion of people with compassion in the world. This is kind like that movie, Have you heard about the Morgans?, except if you were really sent here on a witness protection program you'd probably wish you were dead. Since i'm ranting already I might as well add that I can't stand people who say "oh, I love Chinese culture!" WTF, just because you've watched a couple Jet Lee movies it doesn't make you an expert on Chinese culture. A bit harsh? There are always a few days in the month when my attitude is just down right shitty. Today is one of those days.

I better have dinner and get to the gym.

A Day in Grand Forks

2011-06-12T02:13:00.003-04:00

Grand Forks Art Festival

A Day Out on Ontario

2011-05-29T23:56:00.001-04:00

A hot morning out on Lake Ontario can only be improved with dinner at Dinosaur BBQ.YUM!

Home is Where Rochester Is

2011-05-28T21:23:00.001-04:00

Alma Mater

2011-05-27T21:26:00.000-04:00

Sunny Drive

2011-05-07T20:20:00.000-04:00

Day with Summer

2011-04-30T20:22:00.002-04:00

Joana was nice enough to invite me to tag along on a family shopping trip to Grand Forks, ND. I was hoping to find some tofu but no luck. At least we have Summer. She's adorable.

High Spirited

2011-04-28T23:24:00.002-04:00

First day of topless weather...

Ham Sunday

2011-04-24T19:03:00.009-04:00

Holidays are for grandkids. Admittedly some of them are cuter than my cats. A coworker was nice enough to invite me over for Easter dinner so I took the opportunity to snatch a few photos of the little ones. People here are very family oriented and they take a lot of pride in populating mother planet.

I love this photo of the little girl clinging to her daddy. The outside world may be foreign and exotic but she feels safe, protected and content.

Afternoon River Walk

2011-04-23T20:26:00.003-04:00

So Far So Good

2011-04-23T11:40:00.000-04:00

I've worked out for six out of the last seven days. My body hasn't had this much exercise since I ran track in fifth grade. I've never done weight training before and now I wish I had started sooner. The adrenaline rush from all the workout is really quite something. The low carb and low sugar diet is barely discernible since I'm a meat lover and not all that crazy about neither of those. My weight has been pretty stable since I was 13. I weighted 113lbs back then and probably 123lbs at the heaviest in my early college years. This morning I weighted in at 117lbs, a couple of pounds lighter than in the middle of the winter. I'm not trying to workout to reach a certain weight. I just want to look good and feel good.

The squats are kicking my butt and every part of my upper body is sore. My legs are pretty strong but I've always been really self conscious with my upper body strength, or lack thereof. Today I need to take a break from weights. Luckily my gym membership allows me access to the hot tub and pool at the hotel across the street. The facility is actually quite nice. I soaked up for a while and then went to the gym for some cardio. Now I feel good and relaxed.

30-Day Challenge

2011-04-20T23:55:00.004-04:00

I've missed Rochester since I left last fall so a visit over the upcoming Memorial Day weekend will be long overdue. Frankly I'm more excited about visiting Rochester than all the anticipation I had for the last trip to Munich. I can't wait to go to Wegmans!

When I was younger I could eat anything and not worry about my weight (and I ate everything). Not a whole lot have changed except there are a few pairs of old pants I can no longer fit in. I've had the good fortune of having Dan O. as a good friend, who has taken many wonderful photos of me for the past 9 years, some for creative projects and some just for fun. As I get older I feel more inclined to capture and preserve the image I see now. Dan has agreed to meet up and once again do another photo shoot.

Between now and my flight on May 26th, I plan to go to the gym 30 times and be on a low carb, low sugar diet. If this works it will be the longest time ever in my life that I've lived without rice! Not a easy accomplishment for a southern Chinese girl. I'll be doing cardio and light weights. Not sure if I'll see any difference in a month but it will be the most workout I've ever done in that time frame. If nothing else, this will at least be a good project to focus on to get to the summer (if it ever gets here).

A coworker said if I loose any weight I might not have boobs anymore. Well I don't have that far to go but luckily it's still not flat enough to land a plane yet!

Spring...NOT!

2011-04-16T09:55:00.001-04:00

Something is seriously wrong with this place!

A Long Way Home

2011-04-12T06:06:00.001-04:00

6am and I'm finally home after a very long day of traveling. In 2 hours I'll be back to work again! All my flights were on time and I started driving out of the city around 8pm. The drive took a lot longer than usual because I had to pull over a couple of times to rest. When I got closer to Bejou at 4am I was further delayed by the sight of aurora borealis.

I had read that northern light is more visible around equinoxes so I made a mental note to look for it after the trip. When I first saw the light it was very faint and I wasn't sure if it was just a thin layer of cloud. I decided to get off the main road and drive down a gravel path to get a better view from a dark spot. The light intensified overtime, moved slowly like one of those lava lamps and then flashed quickly as if there were gusts of wind.

I had packed my tripod for the trip and now I can finally put it to use. It was a struggle trying to set everything up in the dark. Having never experienced with long exposures under total darkness I had a really hard time of getting a good shot. Still, it was interesting just to watch.

Leaving Munich

2011-04-11T09:56:00.008-04:00

I'm not good at saying goodbye. Some would call me sentimental. But to travel and to explore also means to constantly watching people, things and places gradually diminish in the rare view mirror and eventually disappear into the horizon knowing many of them I will never encounter again. That is how memory works. Everything fades over time. Every experience is unique and precious. I'm not going to be a writer. This is my attempt to capture, share and preserve the moment.

Rose is the best travel partner ever not only because we have a great time together but we can also have guilt-free timeout when we do get tired of each other. There is no compromise when we travel. We are always gracious and when things don't go as planned we just laugh it off.

Fortunately saying goodbye to Rose has gotten easier over time. I still remember meeting Rose for coffee just before I left BA for the first time on a rainy afternoon, I cried like a baby. The second time, Rose left BA and we said goodbye at the EZE airport, more tears. Third time was the charm, we said goodbye at the train station in Düsseldorf, no tears. This is our fourth goodbye and I'm finally beginning to enjoy it a little. We had breakfast together at the hostel and then I had to leave in a hurry to catch the airport shuttle. We said goodbye in the hallway next to the elevator not much more different than people saying goodbye to each other everyday at the office. It's completely comforting to know that we will meet again somewhere around the world and when we do we will share a wonderful experience together.

The bus ride to the airport was much more pleasant the second time around. No puking, no tears, no sadness, just pure joy and satisfaction of a wonderful trip now completed.

I won’t ever be rich but when I get old I need to be able to say that I’ve lived a rich life. The trip turned out better than I could have imagined. Sure, I had “misplaced” a hundred bucks but it’s a small sacrifice to the travel deity, who has been especially kind to me. Overtime I’ve learned both for travel and in life that one should always be overly gracious for everything. I conclude my trip with a big smile on my face and like Rose said, “I don’t think I can improve on that.”

Castles and Meat Overload

2011-04-10T11:35:00.001-04:00

Hohenschwangau

Neuschwanstein

Mozart and SOM Tour

2011-04-08T18:32:00.001-04:00

Meeting Rose in Salzburg

2011-04-08T11:50:00.013-04:00

Rose joined me today for the rest of my trip in Salzburg, Fussen and Munich. We met up at the Salzburg train station around 9am. I arrived from Vienna just a few minutes before her train from Dusseldorf. If Rose was a guy I'd say that's romantic but we refer to it as being civilized. Rather than visiting each other at our boring place of residences (mine especially) we choose to get together in beautiful places around the world! How civilized is that! I gave her a big hug on the platform with a huge smile.

The weather wasn't as great as I had hoped, cool with a light drizzle but nothing mattered because Rose and I are back on the road! Rose has been especially supportive since I moved to middle of nowhere and made the point of talking to me on Skype almost every week so even though we haven't seen each other for two years it felt as no time has passed. The train station is not far from the old town, where our B&B is located so we opted to take an early morning walk. Traveling light is a beautiful thing. We stopped into a small cafe/bakery half way there for some much needed caffeine and snack. I updated her on my adventures in Munich and we sorted out our game plan for the next couple of days.

The B&B Rose booked for us was amazing. I wasn't impressed with the pictures online but upon checking it we were both thrilled with everything about this little place. Chriskoenig-Colleg, dating back to the 1300s, was originally built to host the Archbishops' out of town guests. The location just under the imposing Salzburg fortress in the heart of the old town couldn't have been more perfect. The place was so quiet we found ourselves whispering to each other. The room was small but has all the essentials and no TV or Wifi. We're in a convent! This totally completes the Salzburg experience!

We have just under a day and half in Salzburg and the clock is ticking. On our way to the visitor center we stopped in Salzburg Cathedral, where Mozart was baptized and Anton Diabelli sang in the boys' choir in the 1700s (according to Wiki). Although this glorious Baroque cathedral was originally built in 1628 on the foundation of an even older dating back to 774, the structured looked new because of reconstruction after significant damage during WWII. When looking from the right angle, the statue of Mary, looking away from the church, is being crowded by two angels just under middle arch on the church facade.

We then wasted no time to get to the visitor center in Mozart Plaza to get our 24-hour Salzburg Card, an all access pass to all local attractions. With the funicular out of commission, we got a serious workout climbing up to the Hohensalzburg Fortress. The view from the top was incredible!

I felt like I was in a movie set inside one of the largest Medieval fortress in Europe. I could see in my mind merchants gathering around the courtyard, blacksmith, guards, children at play and thousands of townspeople taking shelter within these walls during foreign invasions.

The king's quarter was like a Medieval dream. I've never seen anything like it and was shocked at how well preserved everything is. The dark walls and ceilings were fully decorated with glittering stars and ornaments. The rest of the fortress hosted a few other exhibits that didn't quite interest us. On the way down we were once again distracted by the amazing sight. We are blessed to hit Salzburg at the perfect time. April is the very beginning of the tourist season. Although there are a handful of tours around town, mostly students, the place still feels calm and intimate. Salzburg is also a perfect size for two very ambitious travelers on a tight schedule.

With a bit time to spare before our river cruise we popped into the Panorama Museum to see the masterworks of Johann Michael Sattler. The highlight of the exhibit is a 360 degree panorama of Salzburg in 1829, not much as changed in this charming place.

The sky had completely cleared up by the time we started the cruise on the Salzach River. I struggled to stay awake under the warm sun and slow motion of the boat. At the very end the Capitan twirled the boat to a short waltz as tourists watched from the shore in disbelief.

Paris has the Avenue des Champs-Élysées, Barcelona has La Rambla and for Salzburg, it's the Getreidegasse. This famous little pedestrian street is filled with global brands such as Louis Vuitton, Zara and of course, the No 1 US export: McDonald. Fortunately the historical street scene is preserved with iron signs that more or less what signs looked like back when most residents didn't read.

Getreidegasse 9, the most well known address in Salzburg, is were Mozart was born and lived until he was 17. We were too late to visit for today so it will the first thing we do tomorrow morning. Small crowds were gathering at every ice cream shop we passed by and I was ready for a caffeinated drink myself. We slowly worked our way to Alter Market where as we peeked into the calm historical interior of Cafe Tomaselli I violently bumped my gigantic head into the glass window like a dumb bird! Rose swiftly dragged me away from the window and we laughed until we cried. Completely embarrassed by what just happened, we walked across the small plaza and grabbed an outdoor table at a different cafe for a drink. Ah, this is life!

Last Day in Vienna

2011-04-07T20:25:00.010-04:00

No visit to any major city is complete without a walk among its most famous dead residents. I started this morning with a quick trip to the Central Cemetery, the final resting place for many of Vienna's greatest artists including Beethoven, Schubert, Brahms, Strauss(es), etc. I love visiting cemeteries. No more sufferings or struggles, just serenity. A sense of relief, a refreshing break from the bustling city.

Back "home", twin cities means Minneapolis and St. Paul. Here, we have Vienna and Bratislava. I was hoping to catch a boat ride to Bratislava but the return trip wasn't early enough for me to come back in time for tonight's concert. Instead I opted for an afternoon cruise on the canal. With a little over an hour to spare before boarding, I headed straight for the most famous schnitzel place in town: Figlmüller. Sure it's a bit touristy but since I only plan on having one schnitzel on this trip I might as well make it somewhat meaningful. The fried pork cutlet came out way bigger than the size of the plate. I've never even seen a piece of pork that big! That's enough fried pork for a family of three. After just a few bites I felt quite defeated and wrapped up the rest to go.

The afternoon boat ride was a real snoozer in every sense. The highlight of the day didn't come until the very end.

I can't imagine a better ending to my short visit to Vienna than attending a Mahler concert featuring the Gustav Mahler Youth Orchestra. The performance was outstanding. I've studied it, analyzed it in theory class, listened to recordings but never appreciated it until seeing it live tonight here in Vienna. I am exhausted from all the sightseeing. I know there are so many more things I want to do and see but for now I am content.

In an effort to change my career path back in high school, my mother used to say, if you have a good job, make good money you could go to any concerts you want and not worry about playing anything. My mother is an intelligent and rational person but what she said there never made any sense. It's like asking a young kid if he'd rather go to a Steve Taylor show or be a rock star himself. I paid good money to be here for the concert tonight but I'd switch places with anyone on the stage in a heartbeat. I'm not sure if that'll ever change.

Day 2 in Vienna

2011-04-06T20:20:00.007-04:00

I had to restart this morning because I didn't realize I had left my SD card for my camera back at the hostel until I got to Schonburnn Palace. Luckily with the 72-hour all-you-can-ride transportation pass, there's only a short delay in time (which I can make up with speed walking!).

Unfortunately I just don't have enough time to document everything I've done on this trip. I'm still backtracking to the earlier posts. The internet at this place also hasn't been working very well. In short, I visited Schonbrunn Palace this morning, spent less than a minute at the Schubert museum, had Chinese for lunch, walked around the old town in the afternoon, saw the crowd jewels of the Habsburgs and went to my second concert at the Musikverein in two days! Minetti Quartett: Mendelssohn, Beethoven, Webern and Mozart. Great concert! Feels like I have to get it all in like a camel before I go back to the social/culture void of the American heartland... Will have to fill in the details later. At the speed I'm going it's entire likely that I might forget! AH!

Tomorrow I'm thinking of taking a boat ride to Bratislava! And there are still so much more I want to see here!

Vienna

2011-04-05T18:49:00.008-04:00

People usually have strong impressions of Paris or Rome but I haven't been this excited about being in a place since Rose and I went to Bariloche, Argentina.
For a musician to never come here is like being an artist and never see Paris. I grabbed a quick coffee/breakfast at the hostel and off I go with Beethoven playing off the ipod. Walking straight down Mariahilfer, from the West train station, where my hostel is located, I was first greeted by a statue of Mozart with yellow flower bed in front in the shape of a treble clef. The old city is enclosed in a circular boulevard and it screams imperial grandeur. Vienna is overwhelming. So many things, so little time and so many distractions in the way. Buildings with heavily adorned Baroque facades reminded me of a richer and cleaner Buenos Aires.

Stopping by the Tourist Information center is a must no matter where I go. I love the logo. Vienna: Now or Never!

By noon I was finally able to take a breather in the Secession building where Gustav Klimt's Beethoven Frieze is on permanent display. Unless you're really dying to see Wagner's interpretation of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony through Klimt in the form of a dozen of floating naked figures, the small gallery is not worth the $5 Euro student ticket.

Yes, I go everywhere with my student ID. I'm still paying off my student loan, there's no reason why I shouldn't take advantage of it. In face, before I graduated I requested a backup copy just in case I loose one while traveling around...

Just down the street from the Secession Building is Theater an der Wien and the Naschmarkt. The Theater was first opened in 1801 and was where Beethoven's Fidelio first premiered.
The Naschmarkt is a feast for the senses. Here you can find everything from fresh seafood, meats and vegetables, to herbs, nuts, olives and cheeses. Alone the narrow alley way are also numerous small eateries offering a good variety of food such as hummus, falafals, Japanese, Asian, etc. The smell of this place is just incredible. I walked from one end to another and finally decided to sit down for a quick plate of goulash. The dish came out boiling hot, and oh wow, you don't need teeth to eat this thing!
By now I know I need to have a game plan or I won't be able to hit all my top sights in Vienna. The Pasqualati House, where Beethoven used to live, is on the top of my list for places I have to visit, so off I go straight to Molkerbastei 8.
Beethoven moved 70 times in his 30 years in Vienna so it's safe to say the man has been around the block a few times. Beethoven lived in this building on and off between 1804 and 1814 and composed some of his most important works including symphony #5, 7, and 8. The museum is very sparsely furnished and with nothing original. I suppose it's nice just to be at the actual site and walk up the same set of stirs the crazy ill-tempered Beethoven once did. Luckily pianos weren't that big two hundred years ago, otherwise they'd have a hard time moving it up the spiral stirs. Back in his time this was considered the same as a penthouse suit on 5th Ave. overlooking Central Park. There are four big rooms with nowadays with nice views of the Vienna University and Rauthus Square.

The weather cooled down in the afternoon and became very temperamental. The wind picked up and the sky changed constantly with cloud, rain and sun. In an effort to stay dry, I hopped on a tram to loop around the old city. The sun was playing peekaboo with me and would only come out when I get on the tram. The rain shows up as soon as I get off and try to take a few quick pictures. Finally by 4pm I decided to duck into a museum. House of Music sounded kind interesting but 9 Euros and an hour half later I was really a bit disappointed. This place is probably neat for kids and people with no music background. Otherwise unless you really had to see glasses from Brahms and Schubert, this place is a waste of time. The only thing I found to be amusing was to conduct the Vienna philharmonic on a simulator at the very end of the exhibit. The simulator is only able to detect rhythm through movement but no dynamics (although the orchestra plays perfectly according to the score). When you stop in the middle of the song an asshole from the string section would jump up and insult you! I'd seriously consider getting some sort of game system if this was available to public!

Rained In

2011-04-04T15:05:00.002-04:00

The rain seems to have followed me from Munich to Vienna. After a little blogging and some Turkish food I decided to call it a night and start my exploration tomorrow. I can't believe I'm actually in Vienna!

Train Ride

2011-04-04T13:10:00.002-04:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of falling rain drops like one of those relaxation settings on a clock radio. I smiled, what a lovely day to take a train ride to Vienna, the imperial city, once the music capital of the world.

Work gets in the way of travel. Sometimes I manage to forget the thrill of being on the road but as soon as I embark on a journey, however short or insignificant it may be, I am instantly reminded of who I am and what I live for. At the hostel there are countless others like me and when I'm on the road I never have to defend myself for traveling.

These are the moments I live for. Some little girls dream of fancy weddings. I never had such fantasy growing up. In fact I don't recall feeling very strongly about becoming anything in particular until my high school years. The only thing I did know before then was that I wanted to travel. I can pen point to the exact moment when that seed was first implanted in my then impressionable young mind.
I had just turned 5 and my father was preparing to move to West Berlin. Before he left he promised me that someday he'd show my the world.

Although that promise was never fulfilled, those words alone have sparked my imagination as a child. Years later my fascination with history and music further kindled my curiosity to travel.

It is true that I've never dreamed of a happy-ever-after story but I do enjoy watching those sappy wedding shows on TLC from time to time. I find it intriguing to hear young couples talk so highly of each other with what seems to be profound geniality, respect and affection. Phrases like soul mates, best friends, meant-to-be sound so implausible that I can't ever imagine using them to describe anyone.

On the last season of America's Got Talent, there was a couple of ballet dancers married to each other. They managed to advance pretty far in the competition. One evening Nick asked the girl how she felt. Tears ran down her face as she responded “when I was a little girl I wanted to dance and fall in love. Now I can do both.” For the first time today I understood maybe just a little of how she must have felt. This is what I've always wanted to do and I am doing it!

My mother, like all Chinese mothers, is a tough lady to please. Besides, people are often their own hardest critics. When I talk to the right people they help me to feel a sense of accomplishment. In reality, there are very few instances when I feel truly proud of myself. The only such moment I can identify with absolute certainty was when I saw my professor in the green room after my senior recital. Til this day I can't distill all the emotions that ran through my mind. Everything just came out in a big burst of tears. Today I feel a little bit of the same sentiment as I watched rolling hills in the countryside become blurry with tears.

Life would have been entirely different had my father stayed in China. Life might even have been different if he never uttered those words to me me. I'd like to think this is what my father would want me to do and I'd like to think he'd be proud of me.

Dachau

2011-04-03T18:33:00.019-04:00

I didn't plan to visit Dachau, wasn't sure if I would be mentally ready to make the trip. Being that it is a significant stop for majority of the tourists coming through Munich, I decided to give it a go. Dachau, now a quiet residential suburb outside of Munich, was the site for the first Nazi concentration camp built in 1933. This is where all Nazi officials for other concentration camp received their training. It's said that none of the other camps would exist if it wasn't for Dachau.

Once off the subway, there's a bus that takes visitors direction to the "Dachau Concentration Camp Memorial Site." I find this label to be quite troubling since memorial sites often refer to monuments built after a tragic event but this is the actual site with actual buildings where the victims lived! Having the word "memorial" in the name almost seem like an attempt to soften the harsh reality of what happened here.

I have to admit that at beginning of the visit it was difficult to feel the harshness of the site on a peaceful quite sunny day in spring. That calm feeling was quickly jolted away after viewing a chilling documentary video of Dachau. With the showing of each horrifying image the room felt cold, dark and suffocating. As soon as the tape stopped everyone intuitively stepped outside to take comfort in the sunlight. This being of the lesser horrifying Nazi camps, I don't think I could have handled Auschwitz. My heart was heavy for the rest of the visit.

Below is the "waiting room," where victims were told to get ready for the "shower."

The gas chamber: "The room was disguised as 'showers' and equipped with fake shower spouts to mislead the victims and prevent them from refusing to enter the room. During a period of 15 to 20 minutes up to 150 people at a time could be suffocated to death through prussic acid poison gas (Zyklon B)."

The death chamber: where the dead were brought in before being cremated.

Crematory. Mass graves were later used due to limited coal and more bodies.

Munich

2011-04-02T07:27:00.010-04:00

Munich is a great city for walking. Pedestrian streets are everywhere in the inner circle. Everywhere you look there are crowds of gatherings, cafes pouring onto the streets, cyclists, street performers, vendors, tourists and locals. The deserted streets were most shocking thing to me when I moved to the States and it's something I'll never get use to. Being ambitious as I am, I took advantage of the glorious weather and walked just about everywhere in downtown.

In the afternoon I took the subway to visit the BMW museum, which was quite expansive! Here you can hop in a couple dozens of top of the line BMWs in the showroom.

In the midst of all the power and luxury, it was the little Isetta that really caught everyone's attention!

On the way back from the Museum, I got off the subway at Odeonsplatz and found these two featured artists in the Palace gardens. Will someone please call the cute police?! These two were making a killing!

Some imaginative parent got the right concept with the right instrument and right place! No other instrument would work nearly as well.

By late afternoon I was completely exhausted from all the walking and carrying around my camera gears (and no sleep). Since I had planned to go to a milonga tonight I decided to get back to the hostel to rest for a couple of hours before heading out again. I didn't have time to sit down and get some real German food so I went for the alternative Turkish food in a small eatery owned by a Chinese lady just around the corner from where I'm staying. I'm pretty sure Mideastern food in Europe is as ubiquitous and convenient as Mexican food in the US. The marinated sausages cooked in tomato sauce over fluffy rice reminded me of the Self Serv eateries in Istanbul. Quick, cheap and tasty!

The milonga wasn't anything to write home about. I got to Laura's Tango Loft at 10pm, had 3 sets of mediocre dances and left at midnight. Frankly everything is disappointing after having lived and danced in Buenos Aires. The worst night of dancing in BA is still better than a good night of dancing anywhere else. BA is like that first lost love, you compare everything else that comes after to it only to find out there is replacement. As much as I loved the city I know life is not easy there. Unstable economy, tough job market, political instability, uncontrolled inflation, corruptions, etc. There is day and night difference between being a tourist there and being a real local.

Instead of taking the subway back I decided to walk. The air was cool and pleasant, perfect for an evening stroll. The streets were still busy after midnight and all the bars were hopping. I craved for a cup of cafe con leche, like ones I used to have at the milongas in BA, but I didn't see anything quiet and inviting. Time to call it a night.

A Shaky Start

2011-04-02T03:41:00.007-04:00

There is a time on every trip, usually towards the end of a plane ride, when I get the feeling that I'd give anything just to be on my own bed. Vacation is a luxury; traveling is hard work.

Everything went as planned from TRF to MSP. The park and fly hotel was much nicer than expected and I had a good night of sleep before my flight. Unfortunately, the pleasantness ended there. Caffeine withdraw gave me a terrible headache and it got worse after my connection in Newark. The flight into Munich was half empty so I was able to stretch out and lay down on the seat next to me. Even that didn't make me feel any better. landed I had a cup of coffee half hour before the plane thinking it might make me feel a bit better. Wrong.

Nauseous is a feeling I was accustomed to as a sickly child but surely I haven't felt this bad in a long time. The plane was getting ready to land so I couldn't get into a washroom. I held down just long enough for the landing and made a straight dash to the bathroom to throw up. Ok, will this do the trick? NO! I felt so weak I could barely left my arms up. When I finally got into the terminal I had to empty out whatever else I had in my stomach, which wasn't much. I took my time to clean up a little while dreading at the thought of waiting in lines to get through Customs. Only, there was no wait. By the time I finally dragged myself to the clearance area there was no one left by me and ten customs officers waiting to stamp my passport. The airport wasn't confusing but I was completely thrown off for not being able to do the usual routine of following the crowd. I walked a circle in the clearance area looking for an entry slip only to not find any. Geez, those Customs officers were looking at me like I'm crazy.

As soon as I walked through the nothing-to-declare gate I was greeted by a small crowd and an overwhelming smell of ham sandwiches and pretzels. Once again, I had to go throw up like a pregnant lady. I have to get to the hostel asap! Quickly Rick Steves to the rescue, arrival in Munich, "hop on the Lufthansa airport bus, which linkes the airport with the main train station." Thankfully I was able to dig up 13 Euros leftover from my last trip, just enough for the bus ride. The smell in the airport was so intolerable there was no way I could have gotten some exchange or found an ATM or to get to the train. I gathered whatever strength I had left and went straight outside for some fresh air and the bus ride. The ride from the airport to the main train station is 45 minutes. Once the bus started moving so did my upset tummy. I can't believe this. "I'm not going to make it through 45 minutes," I thought to myself. I held up for as long as I could and my god, when the bus finally pulled up in front of the station I puked all over my pants (and was lucky enough to get the rest in a plastic bag).

I wanted to travel light this time so I had exactly one pair of spare pants in my carry-on. I just didn't think I would need it this soon into the trip! I tried to clean up a little before getting off the bus only to find out the bus driver had already left and I was locked in! AH! This is so absurd, it's almost funny.

It was a very easy walk to find my hostel from the train station. The short walk and fresh air made me feel infinitely better. I checked, washed the stains off of my ESM sweatshirt and now am taking my time to document the unglamorous side of travel. Thinking back, I've gotten sick on lots of flights but never this bad. Not all trips are easy but they are always worthwhile. Time to let the adventure begin...

Potato Dumplings

2011-03-28T22:34:00.003-04:00

Decidedly the most boring thing I've ever put in my mouth. The locals drench it with butter or gravy but I can't imagine any possible way to salvage this thing. Sure, the pack I got is frozen from North Dakota. That just makes the homemade version the second most boring thing ever...

Mass Evacuation

2011-03-20T12:58:00.015-04:00

China, the most populated nation in the world, literally has millions of citizens spread everywhere! I wonder if there is an estimate somewhere for the total number of Chinese people on this planet including Chinese immigrants and transplants in other countries. India might be catching up in population but they've got a long way to go to reach the same world coverage.

Massive earthquake struck Japan over a week ago. 33,000 Chinese people evacuated from the quake zone. Interestingly enough, a smaller earthquake took place in Yunan China just the day before but of course, no reports on CNN.

Now with the Libya air strike, 35,860 Chinese nationals where evacuated within TEN days as of last Wednesday! According to CCTV, this was the "largest-ever withdrawal efforts of [Chinese] nationals from abroad since the People´s Republic of China was founded in 1949." This was an all out air, land & sea evacuation effort. The number of Chinese evacuated from Libya is only second to the number of Egyptians who fled back to their home country (and Egypt is literally right next door!).

Majority of the Chinese people where first transported to Crete, Malta and Tunis, then flown back to Beijing. A group of one-thousand Chinese workers were forced to trek through the desert to make their way back to China. And no camels! The Chinese employer of hundreds of Bangladeshi workers arranged for their passage to Greece. What?! Chinese employer with Bangladeshi workers in Libya? Obviously there's a space issue in China and Southeaster Asia!

Wow! First, that's a really amazing feat! I'm touched to see this no-Chinese-left-behind crazy evacuation program! Glad they were able to get out before the s**** hit the fan. Second, seriously? What the heck were those Chinese people doing in Libya?
Third, I hope they also evacuated the personnel China embassy over there because we know what happened to the China embassy when the air strike started in Yugoslavia in 1999!

Nowadays, it seems that you can't even through a stone without hitting a Chinese person (unless of course, you're in the heartland of America).

Miscalculation

2011-03-20T10:48:00.003-04:00

A cloudy Sunday morning, coffee, kindle, Beethoven piano sonata playing in the background. It's a rare moment of relief, solitude and an underlining calmness for constant struggle for acceptance for status quo. What a long way I've came.

The locals have an expression that goes something like, "they setup shop where the wagon broke down." In nowhere is that phrase more true than here. The Norwegian and the Swedes came all the way to America, some of them made it to the west coast, Seattle, while others gave up half way and settled here. Unlike other small isolated settlements around the world, there is no singularly identifiable trade or craftsmanship that ties the residents into an emotionally closely netted community. No fishing village, canal town, miners, iron workers, carpenters, wine country, etc. What is identifiable here is of no special expertise, skill or shared moral value.

There are generally two types of depiction for small town America: the warm and fuzzy "New in Town" or the dark and sinister "Dogville." The reality is perhaps the average of the two plus or minus 10% depends on where the town is and how much you look like the townspeople. It is apparent to me that what is underneath this physically and socially isolated geographic location is as sterile and rigid as a heart of lead.

I have to admit that moving here has finally taken a hard emotional toll on me. I expected harsh winters and limited local resources. However, there are far worser factors that I did not foresee and therefore could not have prepared for. This is starting to turn into a cruel scientific experiment. We all have to make best decisions we can with the information we have at the time.

I guess there is a reason why the expression "Fortes fortuna adiuvat" does not say "semper fortes fortuna adiuvat."

I take chances not because I'm reckless or irresponsible but because I know when fortune doesn't shine on me I have strength and resilience to fall back on. This has been, if anything, a humbling experience. Either I have miscalculates the abrasiveness of the life here as an outsider or my ability to handle it. I'm not by any means a religious person but I do believe with full certainty that I am by design where I should be. It is up to me to figure out the hows and whys.

When all else fails I take comfort in my two furry companions.

Hello, Spring Ahead!

2011-03-15T08:28:00.003-04:00

Never have I realized the difference an hour makes when it comes to time for Spring Ahead! Wow, when I left work today it was bright outside like the midday sun, enough light to propel me straight to the gym. On top of that, we're into the 30s this week! I don't want to jinx it but hello spring!

And as to the last post, it's true, I shouldn't bite the hand that feeds me. Although not ideal, sometimes a job is just a job and I do strive to be better at it everyday. I've learned my lesson to never mention employer names on my blog. This is after all a public site and there aren't that many people with my name in the world, and most certainly, not this part of the world. One thing I will say is the fact that the company has made thus far with what is here is nothing short of a miracle.

Surfacing

2011-03-13T11:41:00.012-04:00

Wow, I ran out of coffee filters yesterday and didn't get go out to get a new box until this morning. I've been having the worst headache since yesterday and now after a cup of coffee it's instantly/magically cured! And I'm motivated enough to go to the gym! Never realized how much I've depended on coffee...

If you thought maybe I've fallen off the face of the planet, you would be correct. People generally dislike their jobs so I'm not unique in that sense. However, when an intolerable job is combined with an intolerable place with intolerable people and no family or friends around to confide in, the intolerability level grows exponentially.

Spring is almost officially here but the weather is barely improving. The temperature is still hovering around zero. The blizzard blew through town so hard on Friday a couple of the fish houses fell over. Ultimately it's not the weather that bothers me but the inability to be mobile. Weekend trips to the Minneapolis last fall made the week more tolerable. My last trip there was over Thanksgiving weekend, where I was able to gather up last bit of city life by going to a nice cafe and have lunch at Fogo de Chao. Gas price is up again but what do I care. I've barely driven a thousand miles since end of November and that include a trip to Grand Forks and Fargo.

Researchers once did a marshmallow experiment with toddlers to scientifically prove that good things come to those who wait. Kids are put in a room with one marshmallow and told that if they wait long enough they will be given an additional marshmallow. The kids who waited turned out to do better in every area of their lives 20 years later compare to those who didn't wait. What's also interesting is that while the kids waited they invented games to distract themselves for the time to go by and not to stare at the alluring marshmallow.

Logically I know there's no point to dwell on what's lacking here but rather to shift my focus onto other things, distractions. Easier said then done.

Here are the things I'm trying to focus on:

Plan a trip -
I'll be flying to Munich on the 1st of April to visit Vienna and meet Rose in Salzburg. I'm usually not one to get excited before a trip but it's nice to have something to look forward to.
I don't know of anyone who truly lives each day as his/her last. The only thing I do know is to take each opportunity to travel as my last. What separates those who travel and those who don't is not matter of luck, vacation time or financial status but the sole determination to travel. Everything has an opportunity cost. For me nothing compares to the excitement of seeing and experiencing things for the first time in a foreign land. There are people who collect things and those who collect experiences. I do a little bit of both. Things parish; what are internal are also eternal.

I do feel a bit annoyed at times because very rarely do people ever validate my accomplishments because they can't be measured in the traditional sense in terms of job, house, kids, etc. I'm not the most employable person out there and I might be a bit behind on my career compare to some of my classmate but there hasn't been a day when I see my travel pictures hanging on my office wall and thought to myself, damn, I could be making 20K more a year if I didn't go on that hike to the foot of Mt. Fitz Roy, or spent that sunny afternoon on the island of Samos, or met Rose in Salon Canning on my first night in Buenos Aires, or danced to live music from Color Tango, the best tango band on the planet, or went hanggliding in Rio...the list go on. I admit that I'm a stubborn person and I hate to admit that I'm wrong. However, I will make a commitment to report to you if/when my feelings on travel changes and that I do come to regret doing all those things rather than diligently developing my career.

After all the only thing I do regret is not having practiced enough in school but that's an entirely different matter. Things might have turned out a bit differently had I known what I know now. What separated me from the guy whose album shares the same name as my blog turned out to be practice and practice alone rather than what my had mom told me, you can't be a musician because you didn't start playing when you were 3. But that's not to place blame on anyone else for me not practicing.

Take up photography -
I finally invested in a digital SLR camera: Nikon D3100 and two start up lenses 18-55mm and 55-300mm. I've always been a shutterbug and now it's time to take it to the next level. With my upcoming trip, I have to be disciplined enough to practice using my new camera enough so it won't slow me down on the road.
Rose is the most amazing travel partner ever. We are the only two tourists who would get on a samba train to a middle-of-nowhere town outside of Rio with thousands of locals and no tourists only to go separate ways later in the evening and not worry about or resent each other. Rose didn't come back to the hostel until late morning the next day. I thought perhaps I would contact the US embassy if she didn't show up in 24 hours. We laugh about it until this day.
As far as I can remember the only time Rose had ever yelled at me on the road was when we finally hiked up to a vantage point in Bariloche, Argentina and I kept asking her to take pictures of me. I can't get yelled at again on this trip! Better spend more time practicing camera settings and assemble and disassemble my tripod...

TV/Netflix -
I didn't even own a TV until a couple of years ago and I've never watched so much TV in my life. The first thing I do when I come home everyday is to turn on the TV. It's nice to hear human voices and occasionally sensible human voices. I watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report online religiously and turn to CBC News on Sundays. It's nice to feel a little blue in a sea of red, good for my sanity.

Online shopping -
It's terrible but I've not nowhere else to shop around here. Disciplined and patient online shopping can lead to great products at bargain prices. I love good bargains!

Read -
I haven't read so much since high school. It feels great to read on my kindle.

Gym -
It's hard to get motivated to go workout because it's so f*** cold outside but when I do I feel great.